Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

nightmares 

hallucinations 

part of my life

but just in my head

abuse

destruction and war

part of my life

but just in the past

numbness

detached and alone

part of my life

but not in the past 

questions

of reasons to live

part of my life

part of my now

[eudemonism]

I'm tired of dealing with the daily grind, because it is truly wearing me down, and it has truly gotten the better of my mind; i can sense and feel that my body is suffering, and my mind, is desperately trying to deal, with it. But unfortunately, the suffering never goes away, it simply goes on and on.

[Former-Member]

A soft breeze gently rustles the trees and bushes

cools down my skin

the sun is rising and peaking through grey clouds

turning the clouds all kinds of orange pink and red

sunrays on my skin

kookaburras laugh and finches break the silence

silence in my heart

the sand is soft and cool, my feet sink every step

the ocean waves crash against the rocks on the beach

a child, maybe 4 or 5, sitting in the sand, quietly 

a child hugging itself and gently rocking in the sand

its not me I scream, I don’t want to know

i turn around, blood rushing through my head

making me numb

losing touch 

not me

[Maggie]

I saw you from a distance 

And hoped someday we'd meet

As time went by so slowly

I turned in my defeat

A tiny child so fearful

I thought I'd hold you close

Then you shared your secrets 

The ones that hurt the most

Feelings rushed around me

Anger I have found

The gentle voice

I thought you'd hear

Instead is filled with fear

I got it wrong...so wrong 

It's hard to see the child in me

Still caught up in a fight

It's hard to see the child in me

Can never get it right

Blame goes on

Blame goes on

[Former-Member]

Emerald green grass lush under my bare feet

Gentle breeze caressing my damp blonde hair

Sun in my eyes make me blink to keep pace

With my friends playing footsie in formation

Happiness

Pleasure

Beige polyester carpet rough under my bare feet

Eerie silence blasting through my lively home

Ghostly shadows at the window arm in arm

My father holding my mother in unfamiliar way

Stillness

Confusion

Bright coloured posters not animating my room

Soft summer blanket feeling rigid icy on my bed

Lines of devastation replacing my father’s smile

Words unthinkable in shocked revelation, war

Blindness

Turmoil

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member  Loved your last 2 posts on this thread and the earlier poems and

The Beach

and The Mountains Part 1 &2

Your words and images are tempered well and mean a lot to me.

Hugs @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

when life loses colour and all goes dark

when i feel again how my life fell apart

when emotions are too big to running free

when my head is hurting like i hit a tree

when i sit at my desk and am lost in my pain

when all I learnt and practiced seems in vain

when the world expects me to accept my past

when i'm scared to death that nothing will last

when i bury my head under my doona in bed

when the pain's so intense i feel dead in my head

when i feel all alone and like i can't share my pain

when i see no other way out but to suffer again

i drown in my past

i'm told it won't last

there are no more tears

just feelings and fears

i don't want to feel i want to feel numb

i'm being told feeling numb is dumb

i'm being told I need to feel to heal

then there's no one there when i feel

[eudemonism]

This mental stuff I'm dealing with 😣😥😤😦 hmm

[Ali11]

@eudemonism Sorry to hear the stuff you're dealing with at the moment is so tough. Would putting some of it into writing help your mind to deal with it, do you think? Sometimes sharing private worries, and even the daily grind, can help to lessen the impact of that which wears us down in isolation. Thinking of you.

[eudemonism]

@Ali11 yea but nothing changes. It all stays the same. The causes don't magically disappear... + why is your profile name in red???