Lived Experience Forum

[wellwellwellnez]

Pretty much doing the DIY version actually. It seems to fit for someone like me who's, trying to balance out my avoidant traits. Accepting makes committing easier and vice versa.

I have psych sessions, but not that often and a dentist is no substitue for a toothbrush. I think the appeal is that it's about cognitive behaviour and behaviour behaviour at the same time. But is it? I might be off the mark. Hard to be savvy or all the theoretical turf-wars out there.

Also, is there such a thing as too much commitment/acceptance. Of course there is. So, how and where do you best draw the lines?

I'm a researchin'. Apparently there's a thing called "radical behaviourism" and that sounds like fun. Still curious what it's like for other in practice. Is it a thing for you people out there?

[BPDSurvivor]

Hehehe @wellwellwellnez ...

I feel like you're describing me. I swing between the poles of 'accepting' everything, to avoiding everything...

Have I found a balance? - Not really.

Can I function successfully in society? - Yes

Is there room to improve in regards to acceptance/avoidance? - DEFINITELY!

So, I know this is a space I need to work on. I've become a very 'accepting' person, and sometimes, it's doesn't do me any good because I end up picking up the pieces of others' mistakes/laziness/stupidity...

Not sure if this is making sense to you. But, yes, I have delved into the 'radical acceptance' space. Actually, I've got a reading from a book called 'Calming the Emotional Storm' which clearly articulates what 'radical acceptance' is.

BPDSurvivor

[1stepup61]

Hi @wellwellwellnez , I have tried ACT, but I found it so radical for me at the time. I am avoidant & OCD & at the time I was introduced to it by a psychologist I freaked out because in my mind I could not think of not thinking something through! I have always analysed every thought in my head, so not doing so made me anxious. I have had more therapy since with another therapist closer to home and I am becoming to accept the concept a bit better, I hope! CBT was difficult for me because the recording of the thought, then my response, then challenging my thought became hard & took me in to my head to much over analysing again which can lead me to avoidance. I recently read about radical behaviourism as well, but it wasn’ t elaborated on. To me ACT & CBT offer different ways of dealing with thoughts & responses like anxiety or ruminations which I can do a lot of. I am going to see if I can find an ebook on RB you mentioned, where some people read a novel, mine is self help! I Hope your having a good day! Kind regards from @1stepup61 

[Dimity]

Hi @wellwellwellnez @BPDSurvivor @1stepup61 

My pdoc uses ACT and my experience has been that it's fairly lightweight and all I've been asked to do is goalsetting. Radical behaviourism seems to my untutored brain to be purely behavioural and based on Skinner's idea of stimulus and response with no interest or value placed on states of mind such as internalised trauma that can confuse and compound the mechanical pursuit of behavioural goals. It would be nice to have my state of mind at least acknowledged when I'm going through the mental gymnastics of untangling simple aspirations from the mess/mass of negative experiences I'm reliving in the process. The alternative seems to be some sort of decoupling or dissociative state or mindlessness. A paradoxical approximation of longterm mindfulness. Acceptance of emptiness.  Commitment to the ticked box of another task done. I'm trying to reinterpret it all in terms of recognising my own underlying values and aspirations  and being informed by an ethos to achieve life goals  but it's pretty daunting and I don't feel well supported. 

Dimity

[1stepup61]

Hi @Dimity , I like your term mental gymnastics, because that’s what it feels like!

yes it’s also hard if you don’t feel supported. Is your pdoc a Doctor, I am seeing a clinical psychologist who I found supportive when explaining new therapies & appreciating my difficulties. I am reading about values as a guide as well. Plus you were right about Skinner, as a book came up about him when I searched RB, but it might be to much for me at present. Kind regards, @1stepup61 

[Dimity]

Hi @1stepup61 thanks for your reply.  It's actually  my psychologist ("tdoc,") who uses the ACT not my psychiatrist ("pdoc"), I confused myself. Skinner studied lab rats and was notorious for discounting human emotions but I don't know whether this has any bearing on ACT or not. 

My psychologist is kind and pleasant but has never discussed her practice in terms of overarching theory. My short-term referral is about to expire and I think my gp is unlikely to renew it. Ì never saw my life in terms of a wishlist of things to buy or places to travel - as suggested by my psychologist - but I'm now open to self directed goals of a higher order. What books are you reading re values?

[1stepup61]

Hi @Dimity @I am reading a ebook on BPD and in it by a Dr Lund who talks about core values & my interpretation so far is, once I really work out what Is my core values and  what inspires me now or when younger & write about what I truly want in my life. Then on days when my brain says nup don’t want to, or I hit a slump, I can find the motivation to get back on my path, because the core values and my aim keeps me focusing on what’s important to me and I suppose this could work spiritually as well, because spirit could be a persons core value. Thanks for asking me, because it really made me think about what the book is saying. As you stated, mine is not about things either, but according to this Dr a core value could be money, but he said it needed to have some meaning for it, altruistim. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find a therapist who you click with. It’s a lot to wrap our brain around isn’t it at times! @1stepup61 

[chibam]

Hi all!

To be honest, this conversation very quickly lost me, so feel free to ignore me if I'm intruding upon a discussion that I don't really belong in.

But, when I was in therapy, "acceptance" became a big part of the treatment. And it was really just a fancy word for "giving up".

Is there a differance?

[frog]

Good thread @wellwellwellnez 

It reminded me that I really love ACT in theory but have not put it into practice. Time to revisit.

When I asked my tdoc about it, he gave me worksheets

I have since learned he's into psychoanalysis. Not my deal. At all.

I interpreted the Acceptance aspect as an alternative to fixing or focusing on what's wrong. The Commitment I see as the living well anyway aspect. This discussion has giving me a prompt to think about goals, because I have avoided committing to much in recent years due to the struggles surviving 2020/21

@BPDSurvivor @1stepup61 @Dimity 

@chibam 

[Appleblossom]

I came across the term mainly in informal social situations where people used it about accepting things.  I did not like it, as it was too poor and casual a resononse to what I had experienced.

 @wellwellwellnez 

@Dimity @1stepup61 @frog 

So I can see where @chibam is coming from.

With later research I saw it more fully, but it still seemed inadequate for me.  Maybe it has use for others.