Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

@Shaz51 Does this mean you're actually my real mother? Pretty sure that's what it means

[Shaz51]

ha ha means i could be your mother @saltandpepper , @MDT 

[saltandpepper]

I'd consider myself to be very lucky @Shaz51 

[MDT]

@Shaz51 feels right at home here on this thread then haha

@saltandpepper yeah fair. I dunno my friend. I am trying my best and sometimes it feels like 1 step forward, 2 steps back

I won't ask my friend about what happened last night. I'll ask tomorrow. Maybe it can cut through the monday-itis.

I want to know because if nothing happened then I may test the waters again. But anyway. It's all hard these days. I read something very interesting this morning.

This

https://quillette.com/2021/05/13/the-sex-negative-society/

I think it captures a lot the sentiment I have after yesterday. Good timing to find it I think

[Shaz51]

yes papa @TAB 

[TAB]

Er Big Mommas house sorta thing meant soz guys @Shaz51

[saltandpepper]

@MDT well I think that's OK bud, a step forward is still a step forward. Anything you wanna talk about? 

Won't ask but want to know? What are you keen on this chick too?

I dunno, I'm probably not the best person to give advice when it comes to sex--it's a battle for me. But, as a general rule for others, I think it only has to be as complicated as you make it. And after reading through that article you've linked too, I wanna reiterate that you should do a little less thinking there. Less thinking, more doing. But yeah, it's hard for me to see it all clearly. If I could have sex and just enjoy it without retraumatising myself, I'd be jumping at it every chance I had really. It's all fu*ked up and confusing for me now. So, you know, if you're lucky enough to not be living like this, I say just fu*king go for it mate. Don't let all this other shit get in your head, you're young, single, enjoy it 👍

[MDT]

I'm inclined to agree with you @saltandpepper
I think the mores around modern culture and dating are screwed up though and it's why a lot of younger people are becoming depressed with this topic. I guess I am caught between those two groups.

I have had to try a lot and fail. Largely because of my religous youth and what they used to tlak about and teach there. I think a lot of that is still wearing off if that makes sense. I don't wanna go too deep with this, but I basically had to speak a lot with an older church elder about this topic and of course these religious mores around sex and dating were always peppered with the religious underpinning

That said, I also see a lot issues about this topic. People are getting damaged and I think this leads to overly cautious behaviour. I also saw it a lot in my old job - allegations of abuse and violence can be enough to ruin people's careers and self image. I see that a lot too.

Uni was nothing like it should've been in this department. No way. Because at school I didn't have a single female friend. The first female friends I made were at uni.

This whole area is fraught with confusion, askwardness and too much potential pain. I have tried my best to sift through A LOT of it. Slowly it is changing I think.

I am apprehensive because I see the chaos it causes people. No matter how smart you are or how wise you are, I think this is an area that can potentially screw with people's self perception.

I'm rambling on sorry but I think I needed to clarify where I was coming from

In regards to this chick I spoke about - I don't know. But I am finding it weird to have to play the game with another friend... I guess it just highlights how awkward I find this whole topic.

I recently went for a coffee with a girl from an app and when we met it was okay. But I later found out she only wanted something casual. Had I known that maybe my approach would've been different. Reading people's cues can be hard, particularly in this area if I am struggling with it.

[TAB]

https://youtu.be/d_KzeQ639b0