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Looking after ourselves

New Contributor

Divorced now for 5-ish years from my mentally ill husband.

Hi, Im new here. Ive been divorced now for 5-ish years from my mentally ill husband of 20 years but I'm still feeling the effects of walking on egg shells for so long. I knew there was schitzophrenia in his family when we married but I didnt know he was affected as his BIG personality covered up the weird thought process with a funny sense of humour. When we met he was being treated by a psychiatrist due to the failure of his first mariage and his entire family stated that everything was 'her' fault and he was fine and just needed time to recover..... Stupid me. I believed it. His father and 2 of his sisters were/are schitzophrenic. I could write a book on all the *madness* that ensued but after 20 years we separated as he wanted to 'teach me a lesson'- according to mutual friends. The lesson I learned was finally there was some peace away from him. We were separated for 3 years before the divorce as I wanted to give him ample time to 'think' about the situation and try to change but I found out that he started untrue rumours about me, even though he said he wanted to get back together. They were the same things that he had said about his first wife. Anyway, divorced now and Im still finding that it is very difficult to make decisions as he was so controlling and continually put me down as well as every suggestion I had. I've started to see a psychologist to help me recover from the mental and physical abuse but some days are so hard, I cant believe that I allowed it to continue for so long. I dont know if this is the right Forum for me, seeing we are divorced but it would be nice to hear from people who have been through similar situations and have fully recovered. Thank you.


Re: Divorced now for 5-ish years from my mentally ill husband.

Hey there @OpalGem  thanks so much for sharing, this post is definitely very relevant to our forums and I do think this community will help you as your experience is not uncommon. I am so sorry to hear your husband did to you what he did to his first wife. Please do not be too hard on yourself, as when we care about someone we most definitely wish to see the best in them. Of course we take what others say at face value, this is a sign of optimism and faith in humanity. 


I hope at least you can see that a lot of these patterns lie with him, rest upon his shoulders, and in no way reflect the resilient and strong person that you are. 


I think it's so awesome you're seeing a psychologist as any experience of abuse deserves some really solid support in order to shift your own patterns and embark on a sort of "rebirth". I am wondering if your Psych could link you into any support groups? The peer model can be incredibly beneficial throughout the process of recovery, and as such I would encourage you to keep visiting us here Smiley Happy Feel free to introduce yourself here to our other carers in the Hot Chocolate Thread Heart And please know you're not alone in the journey.

Re: Divorced now for 5-ish years from my mentally ill husband.

Thank you very much, nashy. It is a comfort to Not feel so alone. I'll check out that thread as soon as I can devote a suitable amount of time there. Smiley Happy thanks again.

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