Lived Experience Forum

[Doglover]

Thanks @Ali11 ,  i hav definitely bn encouraged through this thread that i need someone i can talk to about these things - not a family member or someone close to me - a professional, but a professional that understands the faith side of things.

"Always forgive yourself" - now that is a piece of advice i need to hear. I am so hard on myself and take on all the responsibility for how i hav changed, how my marriage has changed, how our lives have changed, the stress and hardship this is putting on my husband, etc, etc, etc - u get the drift! I need to learn to go easy on myself and forgive myself as u so rightly s aid. Thank you. I am also considering changing psychs - going private - but again, need to access super to do it. Sorry if iv alrdy said that in one of my posts to u - i cant remember what i hav said to who - my brain is fried these days!

Thanks again for yoyr support @Ali11  , and may God bless u.

Doglover 💜

[Former-Member]

@Doglover 

You asked about Mr D and anxiety, he still struggles with this but depression lifted and mood stable since being on a MS. Whether or not he can do without AP (he had psychosis) remains to be seen.

Early on he saw a private pdoc (did not end well) and is under public pdoc now. 

Has just started with private bulk billing psychologist (with MHCP). I don't think he would attend appts if he had to pay.  He found attending a GROW group helpful too. therapy is part of best practice and I would encourage you to do so along with charting mood (Black Dog website has mood charts), keeping open communication in relation to your treatment with your hubby is shown to be helpful in the relationship side of things. 

In relation to faith, it was only after his crisis that Mr D could see just how much God had protected him. (A bit like "Footprints in the sand"). 

Can I gently encourage you in relation to your marriage? I found a Christian mental health support site that helped me realise that we can live well in spite of a diagnosis and I hold onto that hope. It was started by Brad Hoefs who had BP himself. Three things really helped Mr D & I, one was me learning about his condition and how to support him in a healthy way (I got some free carer education from Wellways) two, resuming my own interests which I had put aside when he was acutely unwell (does hubby have a hobby or sport he could engage in a couple of times a week?). Lastly was not to withhold intimacy or appreciation even when it was difficult for me.

[Doglover]

Hi @Former-Member , thanks heaps for your response. Im glad to hear that Mr D is improved from where he was, thats really good. Interesting re better outcomes with public pdoc than private, iv bn considering getting a 2nd opinion from private psychiatrist, currently public.

I hav just finished intro to group therapy thru public system, start actual therapy group in about 3 weeks. 3 month wait for psychol thru public system, mayb private wld b better so i can see a Christian psychol?? All $$'s tho, which we dont hav! Thanks for tip re charting mood and BD website.

Re open communication with hubby - i totally agree and am trying to facilitate that but its not working. I even told him this arvo that thr r some things we rly need to talk about before my appt with phsychiatrist tmrw but so far he has not bn forthcoming with the opportunity to discuss anything. I think he finds it easier to hav as little involvement as possible, but that doesnt help me none! Especially when they are talking about admitting me to get me off the short term meds, which i am petrified of! I rly need to b able to talk to him about it but the channels of communication just dont seem to b open when it comes to my MI. Its a very difficult situation to b in. I so wish my hubby had the same sort of attitude as u, wanting to learn and understand about my condition and support me thru it, and b more involved in the process.

Are u able to share link to christian MH support site?

Thanks re Wellways tip!

Hubby doesnt hav interests and hobbies that can b engaged in on a weekly basis, but we do hav a block in the country which is his 'baby', thats his therapy. He has bn down thr more times in the last cpl of months than normal and i hav b encouraging him to do that. He has bn enjoying it very much which is grt, unfortunately im still not getting the support i need.

Thank you so much for your openness @Former-Member  and all your practical tips and advice, it rly is much apprdciated. Thank you for taking the time to share and to help.

May God bless u & Mr D.

Xxx

PS: I hope and pray that i, along with my hubby, will indeed b  able to live well again, despite my diagnoses. Its not something that i hav held out much hope for over the last 7 months.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Doglover 

Yes, some, but not all blokes find it difficult with any health things, let alone MH. 

*to be continued, hit post by mistake

[Former-Member]

@Doglover 

Mr Darcy did see a Christian counselor early on but his problems were beyond the scope of the counselor's training. He has found a therapeutic alliance more important, with some therapists being helpful, others not. As far as I know they have all been respectful of his faith. You can google bulk bill christian psychologist along with your closest town and you might find there is one near you. . There are some but not many private psychiatrists who will bulk bill but you can also google them. Adding financial stress to health stress = yikes.

Going to hospital to come off meds can be a scary thing. Can I say how courageous it is of you to seek help despite the difficulties you have encountered and given that strength you have shown that you will be able to live a hope filled life in spite of your struggles. Can I encourage you to hold onto hope for both your anxiety and for your relationship, perhaps you are feeling a little that hubby has his head in the sand. No doubt there are different dynamics as to what you experienced from when caring with your mother, but different is not wrong and as Ali11 mentioned, it is early days in relation to your issues and I know it took hubby & I while to work out what healthy involvement for me was. This can happen across all types of medical conditions, not just mental health - my SIL found my brother less than helpful in relation to her cancer and she came to peace with this found an understanding friend was a better option in relation to personal support in her health journey. (And yes, I do wish I could give my brother a dose of empathy pills too and I know she does too).    This article may be of help to you https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-and-intimate-relationships-how-to-stop-anxiety-from-stealing-the-...

As the American Christian support group does not have Australian accreditation I have been told I am not to name it on this forum, but these are the tenets for patients and loved ones that really helped me.  I think that GROW groups also have tenets that they work off encouraging each other in a positive manner.  The fellow who started the support groups has bipolar and he found that the groups he attended were negative and he felt a more positive approach was needed.

TENET I

Patient: My life is affected by a mental health issue and can become unmanageable and hopeless, especially if ignored or untreated. Therefore, I choose the help and support of others to overcome the struggles and find more joy in life.

Loved one: My loved one’s mental health challenge has also left me feeling helpless and hopeless. Therefore, I choose the help of others in learning about the disorder and choosing healthy boundaries for myself.

Together, we have understanding. We remind each other of the Lord’s love, and that He alone can do all things. He is the source of our hope, and in Him we can overcome all things.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (NIV)
_________

TENET II

Patient: My mental health challenge has also affected my relationships and the lives of those around me. Therefore, I choose to overcome for both my own good, and the good of those who love me.

Loved one: I haven’t always responded to my loved one’s mental health issue in ways that were good for the relationship. Therefore, I choose to learn better ways to communicate with, support, and encourage my loved one.

Together, we commit to speaking the truth in love, healing broken relationships and viewing each other as the Lord views us.

“So let’s pursue those things which bring peace and which are good for each other.”
Romans 14:19 (God’s Word Translation, 1995)
_________

TENET III

Patient: My disorder can become an excuse. Therefore, I choose to believe I can live a full and rich life in spite of my disorder. I choose the support of people who will urge me to “push through”.

Loved one: At times I don’t understand my loved one and can allow them to either wallow in their excuses, or push them too hard.  Therefore I choose to learn healthy, appropriate ways to contribute to my loved one’s recovery.

Together we do better than trying on our own. We will hold one another accountable for learning, growing, and choosing to push through in hope.

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
________

TENET IV

Patient: My disorder can lead me to feel hopeless. Therefore, I choose to believe, regardless of my feelings, that there is help and hope for my physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual well-being.

Loved one: At times I also feel hopeless, letting my loved one’s actions and recovery define my happiness. Therefore, I choose to live with healthy emotional boundaries, and I choose my own joy despite the ups and downs of my loved one.

Together we remind each other that our hope and joy come from the Lord. He alone is able to fulfill our needs in every aspect of our lives.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
__________

TENET V

Patient: While medicine is a key component in my recovery, it is not the only answer. Therefore, I choose to explore new ways of thinking and acting in my relationships and daily living.

Loved one: I, too, have been part of the cycle of dysfunctional living, either thinking I had all the answers or thinking the problem didn’t belong to me. Therefore, I choose to submit myself to learning new behaviors and taking responsibility for my own healthy, balanced living.

Together we choose freedom over suffering, and joy in living through self-knowledge in action.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God
and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
__________

TENET VI

Patient: At times I have allowed myself to become a victim, “defined” by my disorder. Therefore I choose to overcome and live in hope and joy, in spite of my disorder.

Loved one: At times, I have viewed myself as a victim of my loved one’s behavior and disorder, living in resentment, anger, unforgiveness, or self pity. Therefore, I choose to separate the disorder from the person I love, forgive and let go of the past, and live as a contributor to successful recovery.

Together, we share in each other’s victories and celebrate the whole person.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7
__________

They also have some really good principles including:

• Peer-to-peer support plays a very significant role in one’s successful recovery
• There is a difference between “just coping” and thriving
• When used exclusively, the medical model can lead to a “learned helplessness”
• Recovery and wellness is a “taking back” of one’s life and living it to the fullest possible.
• Peers who give back by coming along side others in recovery sometimes receive even more than they “give.”
• People who have “been there” often times understand and help more people than those who have not been “through it.”
• Faith in Christ in foundational to having hope in hopeless situations.
• The Christian church needs to be proactive and reach out with hope to the millions who are in emotional pain.
• The state and federal mental health systems cannot do “it all” there are many things they could improve upon.
• One must accept personal responsibility for his/her own recovery and wellness.
• Sometimes you have to simply “push-through” even though you feel horrible or like giving up.
• It’s self-destructive to use your mental health diagnosis as an excuse for not moving forward in recovery.
• Medicine is necessary. Being over medicated is not.
• Hope not only involves faith, but a plan of how to get to the place you want to be in life based upon your gifts and abilities.
• At times, peers need to challenge one another to move forward in recovery (and many times only peers are able to do this).
• One needs true accountability to safe people who will hold them accountable in their thinking and behavior.

[Doglover]

Wow! Thank u @Former-Member  for your reply, full of excellent information. I will post more when i have a bit more time but just wanted to let u know how much i appreciate your post and all the effort you put in to helping me. Thank u!!! ☺

[Former-Member]

Hope I have not overloaded you @Doglover . Hope things sort for you with your upcoming appt/possible admission. 

Will leave you in peace, but do feel free to tag me if you would like some prayer etc as I do not visit the LE side of the forum too often (except for Friday Feast). I promise to try not to be too helpful😁. Have added you to the list of "forum friends" that I pray for regularly.

[Shaz51]

wow @Former-Member 

Hello @Doglover 

[Doglover]

Wow @Former-Member!

I rly do thank u so much for all that valuable information and for taking the time to share it with me. Your post really is quite something and shows an obvious desire to help others. Thank u.

Im glad Mr D has found a therapist that he finds helpful.

Unfortunately i havnt found any bulk bill psychol's near me, let along Christian ones. They only bulk bill if u hav a hcc which i dont. Even tho im off work i get a % of my salary from income protection insuurance so am not eligible for hcc.

Financial stress - yes huge one for us. Doesnt help thats for sure. We live a life of faith when it comes to finances. My husband serves the Lord in ministry and we look to the Lord to provide our needs. While things hav come down to the wire on many occasions, He has always met our needs. But thrs not money spare for private psychiatrists or psychol's.

Thank u so much for ur encouragement re holding on to hope for my health and my marriage. My husband rly does love me so for that i am grateful. He has some learning and growing to do through this situation as do i. Thank u for sharing about ur and ur hubby's experience with trying to figure this all out, and how we each fit in the picture. We r blessed in that we can pray to our Heavenly Father for help in all these things - so mant ppl dont hav that.

Thanks so much for the link, i look frward to reading it. Will post this for now as its time to serve dinner but will come back later!

@Shaz51 @Ali11 

[Doglover]

Hi @Former-Member , back again! Thank u for the info from the American Christian support group. The tenets are something rly worth taking time to consider and work thru. Theres so much to take in, more than one cld do with a casual reading, or even reading a cpl of times. I will try and find this online for myself or if not, will type out and put somewhere that i can read and review regularly, along with the principles u listed at the end. There is so much great information in your post @Former-Member  and i sincerely thank you for the effort you put in to helping me. I will take the time to get the most out of it!

A little bit of good news, i was so scared of the appt i had this arvo but my husband prayed with me earnestly this morning which was a real blessing, and he attended the appt with me. Thr was no talk of admission which was a huge relief. I know it is still a possibility in the future if things dont go according to plan, but hopefully i wont hav to face that!

So again, my sincere thank you darcy for everything. You have bn a real blessing in the giving of your time, understanding, empathy and experience. Thank you and may God bless you. Xx

@Shaz51