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Looking after ourselves

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Senior Contributor

Carer support groups question.

I haven't been coping with caring for my aged mother who has diabetes, leukemia and mild dementia symptoms.  I'm also dealing with a verbally and emotionally abusive 18 year old whom I suspect has borderline personality disorder.  Wait...it gets better...I suffer from dissociation myself.  I'm ok, high functioning and resilient, I've been told...anyways, I am looking for a support group...but not sure if I should be looking for a carers group or self support group.  I saw some info on GROW groups, does anyone have experience with those?  I worry about joining a carers group cause I get in some black moods and I might upset people...if I talk about feeling suicidal at times, etc...nothing extreme, but, yeah, I feel guilty enough about seeking help, cause I should be coping and here I am looking to spread my miserable shitty self.  I can't handle harming or upsetting people.  Any advice?

19 REPLIES 19

Re: Carer support groups question.

Hi @Lemonjuice, please don't feel guilty about seeking help, it sounds like you are looking in the right direction. Groups are similar to the online space in that you'll find that there are many people who have the same experience and share the same feelings as you. Have you checked out Carers Australia to see if they have any face-to-face group meetings?

Re: Carer support groups question.

@Ali11 thanks.  The social worker looking after mum at hospital sent me the link this afternoon.  The thing that has me stumped is which type of group to go to.  I am a carer, but I am going through my own psych issues.  Should I go to a group for carers or should I go to a group for people with mental health issues.  Maybe I will go to a couple to see what they are like and then pick.  

 

It's been good talking with you, and @Appleblossom kept me thinking ahead and feeling more balanced.  Thanks.

Re: Carer support groups question.

It's a pleasure talking with you too @Lemonjuice! Going to both makes sense so you can try and see what one works for you, you may even continue with both of them, or go to one for a while and then the other - depending on your needs. 

Re: Carer support groups question.

Hi @Lemonjuice 

My husband with BPii goes to a GROW group and he has found it useful. 

Re: Carer support groups question.

PS @Lemonjuice 

Caring for someone is  demanding, getting help was the best thing I did. Even the most resilient of us need to know we are not alone. Whilst our personal situations are different as are our responses, us carers do share a lot of similar emotions.

 

Have you seen the 'Carers tips' thread?

Re: Carer support groups question.

@Darcy Thanks for that, yeah, I am kind of thinking about GROW...good to read that it helped your husband.

Re: Carer support groups question.

@Darcy I did see the carers tips...I know this will sound weird but I find it it hard to take care of myself.  I'm still trying to figure out why.  I think or feel like when someone tells you that all you got to do is cheer up when you're  suicidal.  My whole focus has been on hating myself and ending it all, and now I am suppose to be nice to myself and fight on nothing more than a maybe things will get better.  Very hard to do.  GROW is like the only thing I can sort of 'do' and I am only doing it cause my therapist has suggested hospitalization, which, lol, is worse than death.  Who knows, I might get to a point where I will be well enough to use carers tips...just not there yet. Thanks for thinking of me.

Re: Carer support groups question.

Hey @Lemonjuice, it's interesting that you mention you find it hard to take care of yourself. Sometimes as a society we think "self-care" is just a glass of wine or a bath when really it's about checking in with yourself to ensure you are ok. Sometimes a reward like a bath or a glass of wine is good, but you are already on the right track by seeing a therapist. Other ways you can participate in self-care is by simply saying no to things (making sure you aren't taking on too much), leaving work on time, taking a full lunch break, start a new hobby and even forgive yourself. Even just choosing one thing to get really good at will help! 

Re: Carer support groups question.

@Ali11 for me, it takes pain and fear to get me to think about my needs.  I struggle to remember to drink water cause I am usually running errands.  By the time I realize I haven't had enough to drink, I am dizzy, have a migraine and becoming confused.  I struggle to do good things for myself, I think it's my form of self-harm.  My niece is starting at the gym Monday, 6am.  I'm going to go with her.  😲😲😲😫😫😫😜  I would rather die than go back to uni fat in two months, but I'd rather die than go to the gym...😉.  I'm going to do this, as one act of self-care.

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