Hey @D16, I am glad that you are here writing about how you feel rather than internalising all that hard to cope with stuff, all by yourself. I find that sometimes just writing about those intense and overwhelming emotions, helps me to get perspective and I also feel exhausted, no energy physical or brain, to think about suicide. Another bonus of this forum, is that you can blurt out what you need to, and there's a really good chance that someone else can relate and will validate your feelings. Validation is a big thing for me, so I thought that maybe it might be a thing for other people too. I am so happy that that stranger saved you. I know that you probably wish sometimes that you hadn't been saved, but how could I be glad to be writing to you now, if you hadn't been. I am sad for you too that things feel that bad. I should have not made it from three suicide attempts, and for whatever reason I survived and I like to believe that there is a good reason for that. Right now my life isn't how I wish it was, but I know that I have been suprised about things that I would have missed out on, because I didn't anticipate what could be around the corner. 

I wish that the answers were easy and that healing didn't take so long and so much hard work. BUT the moments that I feel a little joy, and the possibility of more and more of those moments, make me glad that I wasn't successful. I hope that you can hold on to a memory of something nice to help get you through the bad times. Take care 🙂