@Dreamy 

It is very difficult.  I don't want to keep her out as she is a part of it and my only in-person support and i do tell her stuff.  But she knows i don't tell her everything and i don't tell her all the time if i'm upset.  I try to, but i know she struggles, and if she knew exactly how much i struggle with everything, which is a lot more than i let on, it will only make her feel worse.  And I'd rather she feels annoyed or a bit worried that i don't tell her everything, than her knowing just how much I do struggle with it, and some of the things i think occasionally.

Anyway, now that we're both cheered up! 😁

I know it's going to be a tough day for you today so try to not force anything or put too much pressure on yourself.  It was always going to be a difficult day to get through.  I know it's going to be so hard not to think about her but remember to think of the good as well, just so you don't overwhelm yourself with just the painful memories.  If it helps, tell us about some of the good times you had with her.  But i completely understand that may just be too much right now.