@Dreamy 

While I don't have experience with that kind of abuse myself, I can see how it would be extremely distressing to feel yourself back at those moments.  It's hard to imagine just how difficult it must be.  I'm just sorry that you, it anyone, has to spend a lifetime dealing with such a terrible thing.

Maybe think about the kittens today.  Try to go back there and be around then, watching them play and getting more cuddles.  See if you can take yourself back there.  Remember the cute little meows, the smell of them, the feel of their fur.