Hi @SkiptheDog 

I have BPD. Officially diagnosed about 8 years ago. Did DBT which saved my life. Highly recommend it.

I’m terrible with relationships but I believe that is in part because the people I’ve had don’t cope long term but also because of the underlying behaviours that push people away. I also don’t force myself on peeps any more so if I get a feeling they are done then I back of and let them go. For me, everyone goes. I get told that it’s just people having busy lives but I don’t get it.

That said. One of the things I learnt from DBT is to question my ‘feelings’ logically to try to identify when they are driven by BPD vs real feelings. It takes time and practice.

Specifically for the abandonment thing. My hypersensitivity picks up on behaviours that my BPD brain says “there going to leave you, they’ve had enough of you etc”. I balance it out with their words. If they are saying that they are there for me, I try to trust it. My behaviours tend to kick in about 2 years after becoming friends with people. Depends on who they are and the nature of the relationship determines how much they see, how close I let them. There comes a point were I rely on honesty. If I start acting out and pushing away, I communicate with them. I try to control the behaviour but when stress rises they break through.

Sounds like you’ve already been through a lot with your partner. Keep talking to them, be honest. The more they understand, the more they can support you, the more you understand them, the more you can trust and support them.

When you get those BPD feelings to push them away or run away. Ask yourself “what’s underneath it? What’s driving it? Is it BPD reading into things?

Look into DBT - it is the absolute best therapy for BPD

All the best xoxo