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Thinking of you @Ray34 . Just as your username can signify, let the 'Ray' of sunshine keep you going.
Change is hard. It's hard on anyone. But if you something is worthwhile to make the change, then lean into it.
In my recovery, I had amazing therapists who were more like life coaches. They told me many many things. Some things I agreed with, and some things I didn't. And that's okay. Yet over time, I could see what my life currently was, and how I'd ideally want it to be.
Then it was about leaning into the strategies I had worked on with my therapists and really actively implementing them. Trust me, it wasn't comfy at all!
For example, when I used to get upset, I'd be fuming inside. It I didn't burst and let it out in a rage, I would end up isolating myself and then it would turn in to self-harm. Over time, I saw that this strategy didn't solve anything and it didn't benefit anyone in the long term.
Hence, working with my psych, I'd work on approaching the situation instead of avoiding it. To actually make myself be around people when I was struggling to that I has less of a chance to SH.
This was not comfortable to do - yet it made a difference.
Another example was to attend all therapy sessions - including days when I really didn't want to. It may sound easy, but consider 2 weekly sessions of approx 3.5-4 hours in total. It was a LOT of therapy. Sometimes, I'd feel 'therapied-out', and really didn't want to go again, but I did.
All in all, consider your ideal world/life and aim towards that. Have you end goal in view and then work backwards to mark how you can reach that goal. Also take note that there may be some backward steps in order to move forward.
