Hey @Ray34 ,

I'm hearing you. I found myself in a similar space a number of years ago. 

I had major depression, anxiety, insomnia and borderline personality disorder. 

My emotional regulation was terrible and I would have meltdowns the slightest thing.

I couldn't stand being around myself, let alone expect anyone else to be around me. 

Long story short, it was psychotherapy that made a difference. Namely, 18 months of mentalization based therapy, but also aspects of acceptance and commitment therapy and DBT.

Through therapy, instead of reacting in unhelpful ways, I learnt to separate myself from the emotional experience so that I could see it more clearly and logically (and even from the other person's perspective!). It was then about teaching myself more helpful ways of thinking.

Yes, you are right, there was no shortcut. Therapy was LONG, but it was worth it.

I live an absolutely awesome life now. I feel like I have developed a lot in terms of effective communication, collaboration and conflict resolution.

Please know you are not alone.