Your support re: sleeping is very appreciated @EternalFlower . I really love your username too. It reminds me of something beautiful, ancient, everlasting! 💚

I understand your feelings of being trapped & impatient. I hope you can find some release. I know it sounds kind of silly, I was wondering if you use meditation at all. I use the smiling mind app. I was against meditation for years. I felt like it was boring and not for me. I have been using it now for about a year. I still have difficulties with meditating. I am unable to do it if I feel anxious, it seems to not help, or it makes my anxiety worse. If I am relaxed and in right state of mind then I can find benifits from it. It has kind of taught me to use different techniques like focusing & counting my breaths when I am in public & my mind is in overdrive. It also gives different perspective on how you look at own thoughts - I'm terrible at that part & end up getting very involved in my thoughts!

Yes, tv is great distraction. What show was it? I like "Somebody, Somewhere" That's good you were able to feel something. I don't like the flat feelings either. No real highs or lows. I think that is part of depression.

I know it is very hard to get into hospital - it is unfortunate that health services are so difficult to access, if this is something you feel that you need. Have you expressed this to your dr?

Thanks for replying.