Hello @Oaktree 

I arrived home at about 5.00 pm and, after playing with Kirra to qualify for my “re-entry permit” to the house, I have been going through the forum “Your Notifications” list. I noticed that you saw my reference to Smc's “tastebud teasers”. That ice-cream in the trays looked too appealing. I also popped a note to Sophia regarding her recent posts. Respect for her wishes is the primary issue from my perspective, at the same time, anything that we write here in the forum can be helpful to some other person or people, in ways that we may never know.

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Once I've reviewed the messages, then I can relax and feel more comfortable responding, in more detail. I do like coming back to 'talk' with you. I just hope that the way that I word my thoughts is not too strong or so lengthy that it becomes boring.

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It might sound strange to say that we should forgive ourselves, when I can identify completely with the sentiments that you have expressed about deliberately being good, sometimes to the extent that we were possibly, or might consider ourselves, to have been too good. When I am thinking of forgiving myself, it is for having been so good, that I was so, to a fault. And I think that you may possibly feel the same way. At times {maybe most of the time} I must have qualified for the “Goody Two Shoes Award”. {Looking up the term 'Goody two shoes' on the WEB gives some interesting descriptions which I add to the end of this note.} The problem being, that any “bad” actions, of a person who attempts to act in such a virtuous manner, are actually accentuated and can seem incongruously large and out of proportion, particularly to the person themselves. We saw this phenomenon in ourselves and had a tendency to castigate, criticise and even punish ourselves severely. (punish, not necessarily in a physical way) The “goodness” aspect of our behaviour was likely to have been a defensive or self-protective style of behaviour.

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Viewed in this way, we might consider that we have a right to forgive ourselves for the harsh criticism and disparagement that we gave ourselves.

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As part of the process of adopting a pattern of good behaviour, I adopted a religious philosophy that supplied me, ready made, a set of principles that I have endeavoured to adhere to throughout my life. There was a considerable and marked distinction between the principles that I had adopted and the way that other people of my age acted throughout most of my life.

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As I said to the counsellor, if I do not deal with myself, my imbalance, that I have been fighting most of my life, the likely-hood of ending up as a person who has become so socially withdrawn that the last words people say are “have you heard that …... died last week” or the possibility that, however unlikely, I just take in so much, that, to use the expression, I “pickle myself”, or some other rather unpleasant way of exiting life. As I have said before, the thought of the effect on my children is likely to prevent me from departing in such an ignominious way. My dissatisfaction with various aspects of my life, unless dealt with, is likely to lead to negative outcomes. And, I can see the possibility, that with a diminishing capacity to take remedial action, I am going to increase that level of dissatisfaction. So I need to act now. You have also alluded to the idea that if you do not deal with your situation, you are concerned about the possible or even, likely outcome.

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The logical framework that I am building, although built on my life, is one that I believe resonates sufficiently with you, to consider, given the number of similarities, that you can also identify with and apply in your life situation. The reverse question may apply: “Can I afford to leave these matters to continue unattended.” I do not believe that I would be so open with you, unless we had made various connections and identified similarities in our respective life circumstances.

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With My very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

What does the phrase goody two shoes mean? = self righteous

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Is Goody Two Shoes an insult?

The phrase goody two shoes is a negative expression that is used to describe a person who always tries to behave well and do the right thing. It is used to describe someone who tries too hard to be perfect.

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