Hello @Ybother 

What @TideisTurning  has said to you, I wholeheartedly support and agree with.

At the present time you are talking about the past five years. I think that often, it is very helpful to talk about what has occurred or happened to us. This forum gives you, me, and every other member that opportunity, if we want to do so, because of the anonymity.

We can often be very harsh on ourselves, when we feel that we have, at some stage, made a decision that we later regret. This can turn into a self-blame response that can be really hard to deal with, because it comes from inside us, as well as the outside issues. While, obviously, I may not be correct, I think that I sense some of that in what you are saying about that trip.

I know that in my own life, events have occurred, that have been inconsistent with the principles, and faith background, that I attempt to adhere to in my life. I have had to deal with the memory of those events, in much the same way as I have suggested above.

Earlier, in our discussion, I have suggested, that when something bad happens to us, it does not change our worthiness or intrinsic value as a person. It is an experience that has happened to us, but only remains part of us to the extent that we hold the memory of that experience in our minds.

What I hear you saying is that that trip caused a distinct change in how you felt about yourself. Everything around you now, seems to remind you of that time. And it seems that that is the place that you want to, or are trying to get away from.

Please let me know if any of what I have said connects with how you are feeling at the present time.

I will still have to address you by your forum address (@Ybother) , in any of my responses to you. However, I would like to call you, “Artist”. Would that be alright with you? Or is there another name that you would be happy with me using?

With Support and Best Wishes

HenryX