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What you spend the most time, money, and energy on is an indicator of the values you are living by
Perhaps a bit to unpack @tyme .
If we are spending time, money, and energy on something, there's usually a reason and it is to fulfill a need. Something we need hasn't been met. So there's something we value not being met.
Yet I think values can be more aspiring or inspiring too.
Let me unpack my case.
I think my greatest value is Respect. Giving and Receiving in all circumstances.
If I've been badly treated, I may be spending time, money and energy avoiding certain circumstances, because I don't want the disrespect to me to continue.
But if I acknowledge my value of Respect as what I want to bring to the world, it can lead me to communicate differently, and take different actions to bring that value into my life.
(Actions other than avoiding a circumstance)
This brings to mind the concept of boundaries, which will take a while longer to explain.
I draw mostly on the work of Brene Brown and Simon Sinek. Brene has good insights into boundaries.
Your boundaries are yours. You put them up. They are good things to have.
And with the right person we can change our boundary with them.
Trust them a little. Share a little more with them. See how they respond. Can you trust them more?
Ie: I won't talk about my feelings if someone isn't likely to respond in a supportive way.
Or if I do try to communicate, it would need to be in a "responsible(?)" way.
So not: "You did X that hurt my feelings". Blaming them. Demanding an apology and behaviour change. (I've don't this once or twice. It feels right at the time, but doesn't seem to get a good result)
More like: "When you did X, I thought Y and my feelings are upset.
Can I clarify what your intention was when you did X." I'm trying to remove the blame, but still communicate my feelings.
I don't know if I communicated this well here, and I've not really practiced this when needed.
Brene says she and we all need to "practice" to not react, take a second or much longer, to pause to think about establishing our values (ie mutual respect), before we respond to the situation.
I've blurted out a lot and I hope this is useful.
I'm no expert.
This is just me trying to work things out for myself too.
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