I've been feeling lots of different things -- panicky about friends who live in Lithgow and in the Blue Mountains who had mega-fires within a few kays of their homes. 

Sympathy for friends with asthma who couldn't leave their homes because of the smoke. I don't have asthma, and I had headaches and nausea for most of December from fires in the area, even though they were 40 or 50 km away. 

Heartbroken and devasted hearing about the hundreds of millions of birds, marsupials, reptiles, killed or injured in the fires. 

Touched by seeing news of the rescue organisations giving medical care to those injured creatures, and doing food drops for the survivors in the burnt zones. 

Motivated and grateful that I'm able to donate a bit of money to the RFS, and to WIRES, Wildlife Victoria, and smaller rescue organisations. 

Furious with politicians and mainstream media for denying the connection between the ferocity of the fires and climate change -- though at least some pollies and some news sources are acknowledging it, and admitting that this situation was predicted and modelled accurately by climate scientists 12 years ago. 

Overwhelmed and exhausted, grateful that I haven't been in danger, guilty about being glad I'm safe when others have lost homes or family... 

I have shingles, that nasty outbreak of blisters that is like a recurrence of chickenpox brought out by stress. Not sure if the main stressor is the last few months of bushfires, or knowing that my NDIS plan reviewis in two weeks.