I had to people all day today @Jynx.

One guy said his nephew is like him and doesn’t leave the house. I told him I don’t either (other than work). He said he knew where I was at. I think he was meaning mentally. He has no idea. He has no idea how close I came last night to ending it. Everyone is different. 

Know I’m trying to convince myself that I’m ok. I couldn’t go and get my meds as I had faced enough people. Lucky I wasn’t too late for delivery otherwise I’d be out again tonight and for the next 5 days. I was scared of not being able to sleep cause I struggled last night. I was scared of the withdrawals as I’ll be at work for the next 5 days. 

Why does it all have to be so hard? I feel like I should just end it and get it all over and done with. It’s an option. It’s the only one I see. 

I am tired. I am overwhelmed. Today was hard. It was hard to sit still in a chair all day too. I kept fidgeting but I couldn’t get up. I was stuck. I was stuck with people all day. Having to talk. Having to make conversation. Having an annoying guy next to me. He doesn’t stop talking. It was too much to listen to him all day. He’s the one that said he ‘knows where I’m at’ if he did he would have f*cking shut up. 

I feel so agitated and angry. I feel restless. I don’t want to do anything. I just am done and don’t want to be here. I’m not worth it. I’m just a bother to everyone. I’m annoying and I’m a horrible person. 

Why go through this?