Hi @Former-Member ....

It means that if you choose to do one thing it will lead to awkward questions or outcomes that mean your mother finds out what happened.  If you choose to do another thing, then it is safer in terms of your mother not finding out, but more difficult to live with in another sense,   It doesn't sound like any of your choices are easy, so you probably need to go with the one that is easiest to live with, in terms of priorities.

It sounds to me like your highest priority is your mother not finding out.

Have you talked this over with your psychologist ?

Do you feel it has helped you to be able to tell us about the card ?

💙