@Anna53 Absolutely been in a similar position where everyday is torture and suicide constantly on my mind. It took nearly two years to find the right medication and doses to begin to help. Seeing a psychologist for me ended up increasing my trauma so my GP stopped that. I did however have incredible support from my GP and pdoc ...and from the members, counsellors and staff here at SANE. Every day they would collectively pull me through, hold me up and encourage me to keep just getting through the day ...this went on for months 😔 The turning point for me was not a sudden change but a gradual (and slow) improvement with both medication and all that support. Again - that took months. I am not saying that to deter you but to show it is never easy and never a quick fix. Here though we understand that the smallest of improvements in any aspect of our lives is in-fact a major thing and we can celebrate those together. Just getting up some days is that improvement ...on other days it is finding that joy you can when with your grandson. Hold onto those things that do bring that joy because they do matter.

I would strongly encourage you to reach out to the counsellors here at SANE and/or to our Peer Workers - they are an amazing bunch that have their own lived experience, are very empathetic and can also help you access other services that may be of help.

I can say 'don't give up' but I do know when you are feeling this way that means very little - so instead I am going to hold onto hope for you and say reach out here when you need ...that is what this community does so well - be here for others, listen and hold each other up - and you are part of this community so you have our support 💖