@AussieRecharger   Sorry, I wasn't clear.  We lived by the ocean back then.  I could see the ocean from my front window which I really loved. But we also had very close, VERY loud neighbours which I didn't love.  And after my dad died there, I just couldn't stay any longer and we moved out to this farm.  No more ocean, but lovely 360 rural views which I adore.  And no neighbours!!

What I meant was, I would sit each evening and see the sunset over the ocean from my loungeroom which was always a two edged sword.  It was gorgeous and I loved it but I always felt guilty that I wasn't out photographing it, since photography is my living.  But sun sets at dinner time, or after my bedtime in summer, so I had planned to go out when hubby was gone, since I no longer was restricted by any schedule.  I could have gone out every night for 3 weeks, but only ended up going twice.  On the two nights I did go out, I got some phenomental shots, so that was awesome.  But still feel guilty I didn't take more advantage of the opportunity I had.

And yes, I can be very negative.  I have always been that way.  I call it 'realism' but I can see how it can be intrepreted as negative.  I need to work on that.

I can't fix a fence only because I'm not very strong.  I have physical limitation and whilst I am smart and can certainly figure out how to do it, it usually comes down to a matter of strength.  And hubby has no real friends here either.  He knows a few people from work (local supermarket).  But he is semi-retired and we are just not sociable people.  In reality, I could ask the farmer across the road, whose sheep we paddock for help in a worst case scenario situation, but I am just not the type to ask for help.  I am the first to give it, but the last to ask.  My morbid fear of phone calls doesn't help with that situation.  I would sooner just suffer than actually ask for help.  But if something really dire happened and the animals were at risk, of course I would seek help then.

I am an insanely private person and people (even family most of the time) aren't really welcome in my home.  I named my house 'sanctuary' about 25 years ago because it perfectly describes how I see my home.  It's my safe space.  

I hear what you are saying about doom and gloom.  But on past trips of hubbies, I tried to see it as an opportunity (in various forms) and that just wasn't the reality of it.  Hubby is a very 'toxic positivity' person.  I was very into the Law of Attraction for like 30+ years, so I totally hear what you are saying about projecting positive thoughts on to the situation.  Guess life has just knocked that out of me. 🥲