Hi @Powderfinger Even though you are in so much pain you seem to be thinking logically and have insight into the situation. If you feel suicidal reach out to be heard. There would be a lot of people on this site who would support you and of course there is lifeline and Black dog and beyond blue. I hope the therapist helps you. Sometimes it is hard to find the right one so please persevere. I wish I could take away your pain but I can’t. I just hope it eases in time. Take care, Lost9