@wellwellwellnez 

Thank you for the apology, accepted. I don't know anymore. I really don't. I'm in a bad way. Wanting to relapse with drugs and fighting suicidal ideation. I've actually gone back to my woodworking a little. I went to my shed yesterday and worked on a project a little. Had some music playing and just worked a bit. I never thought about things once while I was doing it. Today, I went out for the first time in a long time. Now the restraining order is in place. Went to the beach and had a picnic. Stayed for four hours, it was really good. Of course I'm severely unwell. I'm just trying to survive at the moment. I just keep saying to myself. I have been and am the victim of horrific circumstances. I was heavily controlled and abused. I making this mine and I don't care if it doesn't suit anyone else. They aren't me, living my life. I now get to decide in every single moment. I'm still very tormented by her. I suffered alot. One day the story will be out. When I'm brave enough and strong enough to feel that my story will be believed and that I will be believed. Thanks to her, she stuffed that up for me as well. Even got to the point where I believed I had it all wrong and I was making it up. It's taking time to work with my head that I wasn't. 

PF