You're  defence mechanism analysis has given me a serious thought for pause. What often seems like "finding" once found, feels more like allowing or permitting. Maybe even also like recognizing but actually not recognising but more like re-re-recognising or something (or maybe integrating or embracing are better words). I dunno. Words are so wordy. So many of the factors we talk about don't even speak the same language as we do when we talk to each other. It's so weird.