Hi @Anastasia 

Yes, I'm questioning a lot. I was so deeply invested in my relationship and her. Maybe a bit too much. I'm.reading up about trauma bonding as well. It's all just very messy right now. I read other people's posts. Partners that are married or in a relationship with others who have an MI. Most seem determined to stand by their spouses or partners even though the relationship/marriage is not a good one. 

I think to myself did I give her that understanding and compassion? I know that through the horrible ways I was treated, every single time I did provide help at some point. Ways to deal with things, positive interactions about MI and mental health. I knew a lot from my own long history. I thought I was being helpful. Thus is the issue though, working out the fine line between an MI and abuse. 

Any therapist would say you do not deserve to be abused because of a mental illness. I tend to go with that. Then as I said I read these sorts of posts and question. 

I guess I have to go with how I was feeling, especially in the last month. I'd had enough. I had no more try in me. No more do in me. Everything was constantly changing to the point I didn't even know what was going on anymore or where I stood. 

I was feeling like I was in her way. In her way if living her life doing whatever she wanted to do. It wasn't a nice feeling. A very far cry from what she used to feel. I know things change in a relationship, I'm not daft. It's not the changes, it's the way she went about it all. It was unnecessary. With adequate communication it would have been fine. 

To this day I do not know why she saw me as "abusive". An abusive partner. I kept making up excuses in my head. She hadn't known anything but abuse. How could she recognise love? At the end if the day, letting her go was exceptionally hard. I had hit absolute rock bottom though. I couldn't take anymore. 

For people that truly know me, and know me well. They know I'm not an abusive person. It's really hard when you've been slammed over and over again and told to take responsibility. We had many full on arguments about it. 

Xxxx