@Anastasia 

I apprceiate you telling me how you feel about me. It does not go unheard. I just cannot connect with it at the moment with how I feel inside of myself. I have let Peter in to an extent, but I am still on the backfoot sometimes. It is a huge deal for me going to stay with him for two days and he is also has another male living with him, so yes it is scary for me. 

I still do not know why I am scared? Its hard when you are still very confused and hurting to try get to the bottom of feelings. Being on my own does not scare me in the least, living alone I mean. I feel like I have been doing that anyway with not being acknowledged or spoken to. That just doesnt scare me. 

I do not know what is behind the guilt. I guess when someone already feels bad about themselves in so many ways you add more on. I just do not know. I find it quite shocking how I spent a year with a person who has done everyhting she has done and even more so recently. Its like a stranger living in my house but I was on a relationship with this person. That is extremely confusing and of course it does things to the mind. 

I do not know what the sadness is about, it is there. I do not know what a lot of things are about really. I am just trying to get through the next few days and I do not like how I feel inside. I know I do not want to be here anymore. 

I appreciate you giving me food for thought and examples of your life. I will be honest and say that I cannot disect it and think about it. Not at this point. I am under major stress and distress. I have no more get up and go in me. 

Im about to reply to Zoe, I am going to tag you in it. I just found otu some news i am not happy about.