@Anastasia 

Though, yes you are right. Peter is a god send to me. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He just seems to understand me. He is the most giving and kind person I have met in a while now. I would do anything for him. Sadly, I haven't been able to in my position. 

I'm.still learning to take without anything me wanting anything back. It's hard not to feel incredibly bad and useless. I think it comes from my early childhood abuse. I'm not sure but it's there. Add the abusive relationship I've just come out of and my head/heart being an absolute warzone. 

In saying all this, I've done well to build strong support and make some very good friendships here in my town. My town is all about community and helping community. I'm glad I listened to my gut when I knew I wanted to live here. I love my town and the people. Not to mention it's very beautiful. 

Anyhow I am going to my friends house on Thursday and will be coming home on Saturday. 

I am having difficulty understanding why I'm.scared. It's very hard to get that insight. I'm also Burt Ng in my heart. 

As mentioned earlier I am just going to leave a post it note asking her to leave the keys and block her number when I leave on Thursday. 

There is a part of me that feels sad and guilty. I feel sad cause it's a missed opportunity for us not to talk and I feel guilty because it's not a nice thing to do to someone you once loved. I know my thinking is faulty after all she has done. Perhaps both you and @Zoe7 can help me through this part. Insight and a different understanding? 

I really do not want to feel guilty. The sadness I cannot help. It's very hard when someone has shown you so many different sides to themselves that you actually don't know who they are. 

I know I've got some upcoming bard times from now into the next few weeks. I'm doing my best in my state. I'm finding it very hard to hold myself together and to keep the years at bay. If I let go, zi know I'm not going to have the strength to pull myself back together.