@Anastasia 

Music is really good for the soul. Yes, my friend Peter is a nice guy. It's been really challenging for me because I have a hard time around men due to sexusl abuse. Add to my current issues with no trust and very vulnerable I can say that I am still scared. 

Men can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. I do not like men for that reason. 

To be perfectly clear and honest I'm a right mess. My head specifically is so messed up. It's hard to make sense of a lot of things. I cannot take anymore of being ignored. 

I also think I'm in a lot of shock still. It's getting harder and harder to stay motivated bated everyday. 

I can't think positively as much as I'd like to. I try ignore her as much as possible. 

She does things around here like I don't exist. Like there is no thought for me and the fact that I'm struggling. No sensitivity to that. 

It's also hard when someone shuts down your voice in.a variety of ways. I really did give up trying to initiate any conversations about anything. Now I find it really hard to speak after weeks of doing this and prior to all this happening, there were periods where my voice was shut down. I don't look at her even buy when I do, I think she is a complete stranger to me. 

Pretty much like the whole year we were thinking Heather never even happened. That's how she behaves. Like things are done and dusted and she is ready to move on and create the new life I apparently stuffed up for her. 

There's no thank yous. Just stone cold silence. So, when I leave, all I'm doing us leaving a sticky note on the bench to say leave your keys on the bench. 

I'm not obligated to tell her I'm going away, where I'm going nor when I will be back. No obligation at all. 

I will block her number as soon as I leave. I do not want to hear from her at all. 

I'm still unsure if I should go to my friends. I'm in such a bad space that I am so up and down. I could be OK and then spiral into a massive downer. 

I've also got the option to go camping. My friend will lend me her tent.