Hi @Powderfinger. I'm sorry to hear things are so tough right now. It sounds like there's a lot of recurrent triggers for you with your ex partner. I am a little concerned though- it sounds like what you're feeling could be quite distressing, and if so, I'd really encourage you to access some form of support. Sane, Lifeline and the Suicide Callback Service all have webchat services you can use if you'd like to talk to someone more one to one about what's going on for you at the moment, though of course you're more than welcome to continue reaching out here as needed.