I hear you so loud with this @Powderfinger 

"I'm.tired of people blaming me for the abuse because of my childhood. That I somehow subconsciously choose these people over and over again in my life. Perhaps there may be part truth in that but not the full truth. It is still putting the responsibility into me for someone else's choice to abuse me" 

It's not your fault. You don't choose any of it, least of all the abuse. People don't get it.

My mother is deaf an sadly some people do not face her when they speak and dismiss her as dumb or won't repeat what they say. Some people are just plain f*$#@d up. No empathy. It is those people that need to have walked the same path to be empathetic. Mostly they won't. Doesn't make it right. My advice and I'm still learning it myself. Choose people/situations in your life that lift you up. Do it quickly in the piece. Walk away if they don't. I have a long way to go with this myself so whilst I'm giving you this advice please understand it's not dictating it because I am far from that goal myself. In fact I now know I am not a very good judge of character and have copped way than my fair share of emotional abuse my entire life. So perhaps this is something we can work on together? Throw ideas around upon meeting people, sounding board type of thing. I feel that @Zoe7 is very wise and has a good judge of character so I am interested in her response to your post.

Sending you strength and love and hugs 🤗💞