Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills
This week, let’s start off with the basics!
Verbal Communication
While only a small percentage of communication happens through words, the words we choose and how we deliver them can make or break a conversation. Words carry weight and meaning, and we have the power to comfort, hurt, anger, entertain and educate others with them. Effective verbal communication skills therefore are about being able to pick the right words, and deliver them so that other’s will listen and can understand our intent and meaning.
In the context of mental health, verbal communication skills are especially important. As a community with lived experience of complex mental health concerns, or that care for those with complex mental health concerns, we must learn to communicate effectively through words to share our stories, create communities, and seek support too.
Here are some tips for enhancing your verbal communication skills:
- Pause to breathe before speaking
Taking a breath before speaking gives your brain time to think about what to say. Often when engaged in stressful, heated or uncomfortable conversations we can feel like we have no time to think and end up saying things that don’t reflect or communicate our thoughts and emotions properly. Taking in a breath for a second after someone finishes speaking is also important for de-escalating a conversation.
- Be clear and concise
Avoid using long and complex sentences, and filler words like “um”, “ah” and “like”, as much as possible. People can (sadly) lose interest and dismiss us when we are not able to communicate our needs, thoughts and feelings clearly. It’s important for us to think ahead and plan what we want to say so that when it comes up, it can be easier to say.
- Use the appropriate loudness and tone
It’s important to not only speak loudly enough so that others can hear us, but to also match our energy and volume to the conversation itself. This is a part of being an interesting storyteller that others want to listen to. For example, it’s not appropriate to be loud and excited when talking about grief, solemn and quiet when talking our passions, nor is it suitable to be sarcastic when delivering an apology. If you’re ever unsure what is fitting for a conversation, you can often model it off the loudness and tone of person you are speaking to.
- Avoid using jargon and derogatory language where possible.
When we use technical and derogatory language, we risk isolating and/or offending other people in conversations- especially in mental health spaces. It’s important to consider that others have a different breadth of knowledge and may not understand the terms you use; and that some labels and phrases can be triggering and disempowering for those seeking support. To identify what jargon or derogatory terms to avoid, it’s important to do your research or speak to others with the relevant lived experience.
Non-verbal Communication
While words have weight, our non-verbal communication often speaks the loudest. Non-verbal communication makes up the majority of the communication that occurs in a conversation, and can play a huge role in how our words and intentions are interpreted. Effective non-verbal skills are therefore about showing the other person you have genuine interest and care for them, and sincerity in your words.
Here are some tips for enhancing your non-verbal communication skills:
- Maintain comfortable eye contact
Don’t avoid eye contact, but do avoid staring! It’s important to meet someone’s gaze as it shows we are interested, listening, and that our focus is on them. Lack of eye contact can communicate dishonesty and disinterest. Something you could try if you are not used to maintaining eye contact, is breaking eye contact every 5-8 seconds or keep as much eye contact as the other person keeps with you.
- Maintain an open body position and good posture.
When we cross our arms over our body, hunch over, or fidget, it can communicate defensiveness, insecurity, discomfort, or boredom. When our body position is open and we sit or stand up straight, it conveys that we are open to listening and feeling comfortable and confident. It’s important to convey confidence and openness so that other’s feel more comfortable opening up and listening to us as well.
- Manage your facial expressions and reactions.
Emotional reactions in conversations are often expressed involuntarily through our face, and at times they can lead to misunderstandings and bring the end of a conversation or a relationship. While it is okay to feel offended, amused, or even disgusted by something another person has said, it’s important to manage our facial expressions and reactions if we want the conversation or relationship to continue, and instead communicate our feelings through words where they can be explained. One way to manage our reactions is by pausing, looking away for a moment and taking a few deep breaths when something affects us to collect ourselves.
- Watch your positioning in a conversation
It’s important to position ourselves as an equal in conversations. We can do this by getting to the same eye level as the other person (ie sitting down if they are sitting down), or sitting side by side rather than face-to-face. Looking down at someone while speaking can be threatening and create tension, and looking up can make us feel small and uncomfortable. Further, sitting side by side if we are having a stressful or heated conversation, can position us as allies rather than opponents going head-to-head, and allows the conversation to feel friendly and nonconfrontational.
For the community to reflect on:
- Which skills do you already use?
- Which skills would you like to work more on?
- What are some other verbal and non-verbal communication skills that you know and practice?
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@LostAngel @BPDSurvivor @chibam @pinklollipop15 @ArtistZ @Survivor @Clawde @Appleblossom @StuF @RedHorse @NatureLover
