@cloudcore wrote:
To start off the discussion:
1. Which effective communication skills do you think you are good at, and which skills do you think may need more work?
When it comes to really important stuff, I'm hopeless in real-life conversations. I feel as if I'm much better expressing myself in writing, but I really don't know, because I don't always get direct feedback that offers any insight as to whether I've been understood or misunderstood.
In real-life 'big' conversations, I never seem to have any sense of control; the conversation goes places I could never anticipate. I find myself having to address things on-the-fly that I hadn't really considdered, and the relavance of which I don't really understand. I get all turned around and lost in the discussion.
One of the big things I've historically struggled with is trying to explain to others why I don't like certain things. When your confronted with questions like that unexpectedly, and you can't clearly explain your position (because you've never really thought about how to explain it to someone who doesn't intuitively understand it), you come off like an irrational nut. So, you lose the conversation.
I guess that means I'm bad at Assertive Communication. Not that that's a bad thing; just more that I seem to be stuck with the wrong people.
In terms of trivial chit-chat, I'm much better; but even then there are problems, because I tend to unintentionally give off cues that give people the wrong idea about me. For example, I might slip up and let people know I have a working knowledge of how computers work, which solidifies their preconceptions that I must like computers; when in reality I despise computers and want a life where I spend most of my time engaging with friends/family in real life and doing hands-on work; with very little time being stuck behind a computer.
I think I also sort of struggle with Empathy, because, although I think I understand the emotions of others, I don't understand why they want to perpetuate their bad emotions; and I also don't understand how to make them happy.
@cloudcore wrote:
2. Do you find it more difficult to communicate effectively in some relationships/settings compared to others? If so, which ones? (for example, speaking to friends vs speaking to family, or face to face vs online)
I have a much easier time talking with strangers then with people who know me. Though it's been some time since I've gotten to speak properly with a stranger.
I have great difficulty talking with short-tempered, critical, or judgemental types; people who seem to be deliberately looking for any cause they can find to lash out at you or berate you. That's a massive proportion of the people I know, unforutnately.
Moreover, I find it really difficult/pointless trying to talk to people I know have a vastly differant mindset to me. It's not just a question of having the strength, the technique, and a realistic shot and meaningful communication, either. There are really immense ethical issues at play, too.
Is it right to encroach upon their cozy, little concept of their community with your disruptive alien mindset? Don't they have a right to have a sense of home? The sense that they are happily surrounded by a community who are all on the same team, playing to the same rules and towards the same goal?
I struggle immensely with the ethics of all this; which make it very difficult to communicate. I need help. But how much justification do I have to hurt/disturb others in order to obtain it? Ideally, I never want to hurt anyone, ever.
