@Corny 

Grief is such a personal journey. Without support even harder. 

In reference to DV, I'm trying to remind myself that now the police order is in place till I get the restraining order on Tuesday, she can't communicate with me in any way or come near me. The absolute relief I feel is amazing when I remember it is in place. Yet, there is part of me that is still waiting for her next act of abuse. I still feel on edge. Like she will just turn up at my place unannounced. Or there will be an email waiting for me. Or she will do something, anything. 

My logic mind knows if she does they will go get her and they will put her in lock up. They are really strict about it here if someone breaks an order. I know she doesn't want to go to jail but her instability, her impulsivity and the fact that she is an abuser may just over ride that. I just don't want anymore abuse. I'm not changing my mind about the restraining order. She is not capable of stopping of her own accord and needs the law to tell her that she cannot do certain things. 

I know of Stockholm syndrome. I agree that it is sickening. It's also another part of abuse where victims see the humanity in the person who has been inhumane. That is so deeply psychologically damaging and can take years to undo that thinking. I have immense compassion for those that have endured Stockholm's syndrome. 

I'm not surprised it took you .any years to see how weak and pathetic they are. It's a hard road. I do hope you are so proud of yourself for going through that journey. It takes courage. Not everyone is brave enough to take it. 

I really can't wait till tomorrow. This happening over the weekend and having no support has made it worse. I can get in touch with my DV support worker tomorrow. My only friend is in Perth tomorrow. My housemate is FIFO so he is away working and I don't have any other friends I can call. I have no family at all. I just need to get through this day today then can have support tomorrow. Thanks for talking with me.