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{Longish Post ~1000 words}
I love those delineated abilities under the heading "Emotional Maturity"; the only problem is that it makes me weep when I think of the distance between those aspirational goals and my present, self-perceived state of maturity.
Maybe, over the next thirty years, between now and when I'm 100, I will be able to understand and manage the process of acquiring those abilities.
Maturity, to my way of thinking, is not something defined as an absolute, or state of perfection toward which one should strive. I believe that it is more a measure of qualities of character, that are definitely not written in concrete.
I would like to see those goals as something to aspire to, rather than presented as measures of where we should be at.
An emotionally mature person: {My version}
- Takes reasonable measures to consider the possible outcomes before implementing a course of action.
- Maintains control of their own feelings, thoughts and behaviours because they know that if they do not maintain control and hold the reins, their feelings, thoughts and behaviours may run uncontrolled, or worse, be controlled by others.
- Making appropriate decisions and taking personal responsibility for actions and behaviours is dependent on the application and implementation of 1. and 2. above. Because, if one cannot consider possibilities and outcomes and have a reasonable control of feelings, thoughts and behaviour, it is not possible to make appropriate decisions or take personal responsibility for those actions and behaviours.
- Connecting with others in co-operative and positive ways, I believe, has a lot to do with understanding of self and then reaching out to, for and with others.
Mental Health and Illness issues impact significantly on many of these parameters. Therefore, I believe, that it is all the more important to be gentle with ourselves and nurture ourselves and others, whom we may support, toward these desired goals.
The following material is an extract from the site:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-maturity
{The site can be accessed directly via the link above}
Emotional Maturity: What It Looks Like
"What exactly is it?
{Some of these points still come under the heading of what I would refer to as absolutes, but for the most part, I am happy to present these observations. Words in {brackets, in black} have been added by me. Words like "no matter their circumstances", "always", "privilege", are met, by me, with an element of concern. A few other adjustments {in brackets} will, I hope, be clear. @HenryX }
When we think of someone who’s emotionally mature, we typically picture a person who has a good understanding of who they are.
Even if they don’t have all the answers, an emotionally mature individual gives off a sense of “calm amid the storm.” They’re the ones we look to when going through a difficult time because they {often} perform well under stress.
In other words, emotional maturity is when someone can manage their emotions {no matter their circumstances.?} {In most circumstances}
They know how to respond to tough situations and still keep their cool. It’s a skill set they can consistently work on over time. {Which means that it is not something permanent and defined as an absolute.}
Here’s a look at key characteristics and things we can do to develop emotional maturity.
What are the key characteristics?
Taking responsibility
People with emotional maturity are aware of their {privilege?} in the world and will try to take steps toward changing their behaviour.
This means you don’t blame others (or yourself) when something goes awry.
You possess a spirit of humility — instead of complaining about your circumstances, you become action-oriented. You may ask, “What can I do to improve this situation?”
Showing empathy
Emotionally mature individuals approach life by doing as much good as they can and supporting those around them. {Within the reasonable range of their physical and emotional resources}
You know how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Meaning, you often feel {more} concern for others and try to find ways of helping.
Owning mistakes
You know how to apologize when you’ve done wrong. No excuses. You’ll admit your mistakes and try to find ways of rectifying the situation.
You also don’t have the desire to be right all the time. Instead, you’ll acknowledge that you indeed don’t have “all the answers.”
Being unafraid of vulnerability
You’re {always} willing to open up and share your own struggles so others feel less alone.
You’re also not interested in being seen as “perfect” all the time.
Emotional maturity means being honest about your feelings and building trust with those around you because you don’t have an {a self-centred} agenda. {We all have an agenda or agendas, it is how it might be perceived that counts. Are the objectives of the agenda self-centred or inclusive?}
Recognizing and accepting needs
Those with emotional maturity can admit when they need help or when they’re burning out. For example, you’ll acknowledge when you need a break and know when to ask your boss for a day off.
You’re also able to clearly communicate with your partner for more help around the house {or wherever else it may be needed}.
Setting healthy boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is a form of self-love and respect {for self as well as for others}. You know how and when to define a line and {won’t allow others} to cross it. {strongly encourage others to respect those boundaries - it is not warfare} {How can we expect others to love us more than we are capable of and do love ourselves}
If a colleague belittles or puts you down, you (won’t stand for it) {will respond assertively in defence of your position} and will let your voice be heard."
Ideas which I generally consider an appropriate set of guidelines.
With Best Wishes
@HenryX
