Yeah! Excellent piece of writing! @Vanessa5 im desperately caught in a bind for a large part of the time. Caught between this type of thought. And caught between the other type of thoughts. They are always battling and waging war against one another. And using my bodily fears or my bodily needs as ammunition against one another. Which brings me to this scenario. I once thought of. "If im always aware of what my body is needing " i can always make the best choices for myself " and there is always a list of options i am procrastinating between. And too let myself down is the most awful feeling. Because im then faced with desperately reaching out to people in the act of needing help once again.

Its the fictitious game. Of, do i? Or, dont i? Act on what my brain has suggested maybe good for my. Mind, body and soul... and, if i follow through with the urges. Its usually a good result. The hard part is dealing with memories and perceived fears of wrongly defined and interpreted. Facial expressions and emotional responses from others. So basically preemptive measures of guarding myself from negative emotional responses. And deciding to lay down in bed. Instead of face the fears. (Super sensitive you could say )

Im getting better everyday. Always progressing. Heading in the right direction. And moving forward. And i understand the saying. "No pain, no gain " what is hard to deal with though. Is the feelings of a broken heart from within.

Its a slow and steady decline through each day. And there is no finding what im truly looking for. All i can really do... is hope that i accept that nothing has changed... and its the same stuff each day...