I have heard talk of ocpd in the background of my son's treatment @Maggie .... and that seems to fit, but I don't think it's all ..... narcissistic is registering with me too .... but not as he used to be before .... I think .... 

As a workaholic, and working with his family, I am wondering whether he was developing in all these different directions, and at home we were only being introduced to a part of him, a part that is only fleetingly here with us now, and the parts of him that flourished under his work conditions Have takes up primary residence .....

You can probably see by the way I am talking that it feels like I am dealing with multiple personalities in the one person, and Multiple Personality Disorder used to be the name for what has been re-labelled DID ..... I guess that's where the Internal Family Systems model might explain it better .... and that we are experiencing switches between sub-personalities associated with ocpd, narcissistic pd, or other  just as daunting pd's.

This version of my husband doesn't love me I think .... I think he can appreciate that we did love each other, and that I was a good mother to our children, but he is competing with me in the "parenting" of them now, which is part of this strange mindset.  They are adults, but he is treating them as much younger, and their behaviour has become regressive in response to being captive to his controlling behaviour.  They are being invalidated, which is where our son is now under psych support.

He is swinging between co-parenting with me, tolerating me, and treating me as an adversary.  Two days ago I learned that he is considering us separated, but sharing a life .... presumably but not stated openly ...... that that is supposed to be for the benefit of the kids.

Its too big for me to be able to sort out, and his eating disordered regimen rules our daily life patterns, now more in the background since S2 came into needing therapy, and the psych's are involved.