Thanks @Maggie ......

Something else WH is doing actually is creating "parties" in the house. He is trying to fee the kids the sort of food he finds comforting and has taken over three meals across the week ....... on repeat which is driving me a bit crazy ..... and high-cal which is contributing to weight-gain in the kids, but it's like he is trying to feed somebody's inner child. Of course he won't touch the party food, f&c, pizza, or big breakfast fry-up, cos for him that is very naughty, but then he feeds himself chocolate treats to go to bed at night ......

All very hard to put together ...... so maybe we are looking at parts in some sense ......

Anyway, I have thrown myself back into the self-care basket, which is translating to him as "naughty, absent mother" even though our kids are all adult now ..... ?! And I am staying there for now while he is back on the war-path.

That's just it ..... the counsellors aren't at home with us.