Hey @Molliex , my beautiful friend, it would be good to get your meds sorted, medication is an important aspect of MH treatment. 

Have you talked to your gp about the ash and your asthma, panic attacks are understandable. 

Good news re the SI and SH but I know all too well that even a small amount of those behaviors makes life hard to deal with.

Know that I  am  here for you @Molliex  I'm proud of how far you have come 💙💙💙💙