Hi all, just a little update. 

I am sorry I haven't been around much to support all of you. I am just so tired, and don't have the emotional capacity to be there at the moment.

My Nan will pass any day, and I will go to NZ for the funeral. I am giving the eulogy and am a pallbearer, so it is going to be very very tough. I love her so much.

My SI has decreased and I am feeling less blue in general, which is a positive development. However anxiety and depression (especially hopelessness) are still there, and the SH has become a compulsion. My psychatrist wants to change my medication, but this will probably need to be done in hospital.

My psychologist is more positive about my progress. He said I've taken some really good steps forward, and just need to keep working at it, but he agrees about the change of meds. I've run out of MHCP appointments, so seeing him isn't cheap, although he has given me a reduction in his fee. 

I guess until I come back from NZ I am just treading water. Hanging in here, trying to keep improving and not do anything silly.

Sending as much love as I can your way @outlander @Shaz51 @Former-Member @MDT @Former-Member @eth @Faith-and-Hope @greenpea @Gazza75 @BlueBay @saturnzoon  @Angels333  and anyone else who is passing though xx