Hi @Merv , I have Hoarding Disorder but have done a lot of work over many years with my psychologist and have had a lot of success. Having said that, it is a lifelong condition that I will always have to battle with. Sometimes I win, sometimes I slip backwards.
@Merv wrote:
Will an ultimatum work, or do I need to be more sensitive in my approach. She has a low anxiety threshold.
I would say you definitely need to take a gentle approach. You can traumatise someone by just throwing out their stuff, and this only makes the hoarding disorder worse in the long run. The mess will just come back worse.
Having said that, I think the threat of someone (you) coming in and doing that might help. But you'd need to give a long time frame, say 6 - 12 months, as getting rid of things is a slow process. I need to understand and process the meaning, significance and history of every item before I can throw it out, even one piece of paper.
And in that 6 - 12 months, your daughter would need support. By support I mean a support worker, e.g. NDIS, or a friend to gently work through each item with her.
I have tried having friends over to help me throw things out. Some were a disaster - e.g. laughing at me and saying "Why did you keep THAT?!" I never had them back. However, I found a gentle person who was willing to just sit with me - not handle or touch anything, just be there for advice when I asked. Not when I didn't.
For instance, I would process the items/papers one by one, and when I came across something I didn't know what to do with or didn't want to throw out, I would say something like, "There's this item. I want to keep it as it means something special / is from a special person in my life. But I don't have room. What do you think I should do?" And my friend would say, "Could you maybe fit it on the shelf with other similar items" or "Can you take a photo of it and upload it to your computer under "Special Memories" or something?"
So I would advise first setting your daughter up with some support. The setting a time limit, anything from 6 - 12 months. Say that after that time you yourself will come in and throw things out.
The long time limit is from experience. I once threw out 53 boxes worth of hoarded items in 2 consecutive days. Some of those boxes were the extra large moving-type boxes. However I was only able to do that with my friend sitting by and having psyched myself up for ONE WHOLE YEAR. Yes, true! 🙂 Oh, and I worked during that year on my Hoarding Disorder with my psychologist. Does your daughter have a psychologist?
Oh, and @Dimity and @Ainjoule had some great ideas. 👍
Good luck, Merv!
Thanks for tagging me, @tyme .
