What to tell children when Dad has complex issues

[Numb1]

My husband is currently in hospital following another suicide attempt. Our son is 8 years old.

What should I tell our son?

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Numb1 

I am sorry you and your family are going through this. It must be so hard.

In my opinion, it's important to decide what feels right for you and your family when explaining this to your son. You might want to be honest but gentle, keeping his age in mind. One approach you could take is to explain that Dad is in the hospital because he needs help from doctors to get better. You could mention that his mental health is not good right now, similar to how people sometimes get physically sick. Assure him that it's not his fault and that Dad loves him very much. Let him know he can always ask questions and talk about his feelings with you.

Hope this is helpful.

Please keep on connecting here ❤️

[Ainjoule]

Hey @Numb1  , I don’t have any children so I can’t respond as to how you tell your son but I did want to say that you have my empathy at this difficult time. So glad that you’re seeking support on the forums. 

[Numb1]

Thank you. It’s nice to get confirmation that there is no right answer here. Your suggestion aligns with my thinking 

[lavenderhaze]

Of course, @Numb1 🙂

Just a little tip: if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol, and a drop-down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out, and it should then appear for you to select, and it will show up in blue, like this: @lavenderhaze 

[Greentothebone]

Hi @Numb1 , my daughter and I lost her mum about 6 years ago to suicide when our daughter was 8 months old. I am very sorry to hear what you are going through and wish your husband and your family all the very best.

While our situation is different its perhaps comparable in that we have two young people who will naturally have questions. 

At the end of the day you are the best judge of what to share, back yourself. The only suggestion I would make is to avoid sharing a different version of events to protect your child now. It might be perceived as lying down the track, even if it was done with the best of intentions and you have to them help the process both an untruth and a new version of events.

I think there is merit in saying that you'll also park some discussions for when they are older.

Thinking of you all.

[tyme]

Hey @Greentothebone @Numb1 ,

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like such a hard time.

Loss and grief can be hard on anyone, let alone a young person. 

@Greentothebone thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. I hear how challenging it would have been for you at the time with a young one to raise. 

@Numb1 , does your child have a counsellor or someone they can check in with?

[Owlunar2]

Well said @lavenderhaze 

It's a tough call for you @Numb1 - I understand

It's important your son knows he is loved by you and his dad - and dad is sick and this is the way it is right now.

I wish you the best - it is hard yards right now - remember to care for yourself too - it's the best way to help others when we consider our own well-being too

Hugs

Owlunar

[Molly_M]

Hi @Numb1 

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I wanted to reach out as I'm in the same situation. I have 4 kids (7, 5, 4, and 1) and my husband is also in hospital after a second suicide attempt. He was diagnosed with BPD a little over a year ago and the kids have all been exposed to a lot of his episodes.

 @lavenderhaze has some excellent advice. My husband and I have found that kids are more understanding and relisient than we often give them credit for. We've explained my husbands complex mental health issues much like we would a physical health issue. 

Their dad is unwell, so he's in hospital to help him get better. He has an illness inside his brain that sometimes makes it hard for him to regulate his emotions. Sometimes it makes daddy really mad or really sad. When this happens daddy needs a break. 

It's been important for me to reassure both my husband and my children that their dad loves them no matter what. I talk about it all the time, not just when he's having an episode.

This may be unrelated but the program circle of security has also been reccomended to help supporting our kids especially in light of my husbands complex mental health. My daughter has also been diagnosed with anxiety, but the program is apparently an excellent tool for all families. 

Please reach out if you need to chat. I hope today you can feel okay 💕