Welcome! Introduce yourself here 🙂

[hazelalexandra]

Hi, I am new to this page. I think I was actually recommended to register for this site previously by a case manager but pushed it aside until this moment. For the past 4 years I have been living with Bipolar 2 disorder, that being an offical diagnosis, but I definitely struggled prior to the recent 4 years without an explanation for how I was feeling.

For the past 6 months I was lucky enough to be able to function day to day without medication after lots of work and a good support network. But recently, after the passing of a childhood friend I have had to return to the medication I was on prior. Apart of me is devastated, because I was doing so well and I think my brain associates not needing medication to being healthy. Now that I am back on it, apart of me knows it will help, but another part of me feels like I have failed. 

And that is why I am here. To hopefully meet people that have gone through similar, steps back and steps forward. 

[Shadow77]

Hi @hazelalexandra. I'm sorry for your loss. There are probably a lot of us who can appreciate the conflict between needing meds to be healthy but feeling like you are healthier when not on them. Anti-depressants cause various issues for me, I feel better off them but when things get really bad it's a question of which is worse? It's a personal decision sometimes, and not even a decision other times. Hope everything gets better for you.

[tyme]

Hey @hazelalexandra ,

Great to see you. Welcome to the forums! Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. It sounds like there has been a lot happening for you. Good on you for doing what you can to help yourself. By connecting on the forums, I hope you find others who are able to share their similar experiences with you.

Please know you are not alone.

When I was recovering, I used these forums to help me and to connect with others. That's why I'm here today.

[Zoe7]

Hey @hazelalexandra Going back on meds does not mean you have failed - exactly the opposite in my eyes... you are aware of what you need at this point in time and that is taking care of yourself. I am on a whole lot of meds (and for someone that used to be even resistant to OTC meds - that is a big deal). But (and this is a massive but) my life has become so much better after years and years of struggling to get through each day. 

The passing of anyone in our lives is huge also. Grief can manifest itself in so many forms and for those of us also battling with our MH, that become overwheling. Take your time to process this and do what you have to do to get through ...and try not to compare then and now - things change but you have been through this before so you can again. Being healthy does not have to equate to no meds - if you needed antibiotics for an infection would you so no? Having an infection of some sort does not mean you have failed so having to need meds again for your MH also does not mean you have failed.

[Oaktree]

Welcome to the forums @hazelalexandra 

I have Bipolar and have been on meds for many years. I don’t like it but it is a necessary part of my life! I don’t consider myself a failure because I rely on meds to be well and I don’t think you should either.

Be kind to yourself,

Meggle

[hazelalexandra]

I agree. It's a hard juggling act especially if you have issues with them. I will be okay 😊

[LiamD]

Hi, I had a breakdown a few years ago, and I can now see why I did. I didn't realise how full on it all was until I had my own kids and I can objectively see how things went so terribly wrong. What baffles me is the way it is insisted that it is the depression talking. Sad things shaped me and I'm tired. Now I'm anxious like I have to make it all better but it can't be repaired. Just self soothing. Run: down major depression with anxious distress, drifting off in my little world of self talk. Brutal. I can see why I drank. 

[CharlieLane]

Hi there,

I'm here because I don't know what is going on inside. I just had a whole book written here about the last 2 years being a chaotic wake up call I didn't even know needed. As I was 3 long paragraphs deep, I stopped realising I had only described the event that turned my life upside down and was the catalyst for so many new experiences (good, bad and everything in between) and me finally being able to find and be proud of who I am. I also found looking back on everything from then to now was a bit much for me to go into great detail.

Basically now my life is settling down and I am in a loving relationship after a year of healing, dating casually, experimenting and just having fun figuring myself out. He is such a beautiful soul that loves me like I've never been love, makes me feel safe and let's me be me.....loud, crude, funny, confident and slightly neurotic. He just gets me like nobody else and we balance each other out, he is a very calming and responsible presence and I bring out the wild fun magic side of life. 

I just don't feel right inside.....I'm used to always being on the go and being the one that has my own back. I like to go out and socialise after years of not being able to, and see all that coming to a halt in exchange for movie nights and snuggling on the couch which is all I crave most of the time, I guess I'm scared of losing myself by settling down with this amazing man. 

I have a habit of self sabotage and when things are going so well I always have a sense of doom waiting around the corner. I have suffered with severe depression since I was about 24 but was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 12. I have abandonment issues first from my mum leaving my sibling and I when i was 7 and even more so after my ex fiancé (together 16 years) left me for someone we had a threesome with and known for a month (my idea, I'm a lover of all kinds and have had many threesomes with him in the past with no issues) 

I've been having some familiar bad feelings of worthlessness and my thoughts are becoming very negative towards myself. When this happens I go completely silent so my boyfriend doesn't have to deal with the way I make myself feel. He knows I'm struggling and is very supportive and caring but I am a roller-coaster of emotions and mood swings it can't be good for his mental health. I am medicated for my anxiety and depression and my meds have been a life saver the last 4 years, the only ones that helped me out of the hopelessness and helped me live life. 

Sorry for the long post. My brain is a never ending racetrack. 

[JustMe007]

Hello 👋 

I’m Cath. 49 Mum of 3. Always knew I was different. Massive ‘behavioural’ issues all through my life. Even now. Initial diagnosis 10 years ago was Bipolar. Still I felt something wasn’t right. Fast forward 10 years and I find myself now diagnosed with ADHD, RSD, PTSD, and BED. No Bipolar there! Misdiagnosed. 

Im stoked to finally know and it all makes so much sense, but I feel like my life of bad decisions, difficulty in relationships, the learning difficulties, and my strong uncontrollable emotions, have adversely affected me so much, that I just can’t see a way out! 

I’m not really financially stable right now if I’m honest. I mean, I’m trying. Sometimes I feel like I’m yet to actually grow up. I want so much to be able to afford an appointment when I need to go, but unfortunately impulsivity likes to rear it’s ugly head and of course my wonderful habit of taking risks doesn’t help either.

its a psychological vicious cycle and it’s honestly been hell. 

BUT……

I am learning that I’m NOT a bad person I’m freaking strong and brave and courageous because I have lived this long in a world that was NOT set up for people like me, and guess what?  I’ve made it this far. 

I just feel so much guilt! To that friend I got so upset with that I yelled and screamed at. To my parents who copped every crappy mood I ever had and MORE. To my first grade teacher, to my theatre company director, to my first boyfriend, My friends, my kids. I mean, I can’t erase the bad behaviour and people don’t forget what hurt them. 

All those businesses, and study i’d start and then never finish. 

I’m here to see if I can meet some like minded people who might struggle with any or all of my diagnosed issues as above. 

Im working hard, on my own right now, to slowly get myself out of this train wreck I have created for myself but it is just far too much for one person to carry on their own. 

im sure I’ve rambled long enough and hope I’m doing this forum thing right! 

im looking forward to reading some more posts and getting to know you all!

😊 

[NotTheRealAlice]

Hi everyone. I have a very long story spanning almost 50yrs to tell but will just skip to the most important. 

Never had friends I could trust, diagnosed with bp at 18, always have relationships where they control me or abuse me, started menopause at 25 then its been on and off till 2yrs ago when it started big time, have all the symptoms of cptsd and now Im having difficulty getting to a psyc to get a review. 

Sorry just not sure where Im going with all of this.

Just hopeing I can get some guidence oh and friends I can trust. Lol