Undiagnosed then Diagnosed

[Mush1]

Hey everyone 

5 years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar II have been hospitalised once and been on all the meds and not one helped if anything they stole 5 years of my life.

After a month coming off antidepressants and mood stabiliser I told my specialist I felt better, the brain fog was gone and I didn't feel like sleep 20 hours a day anymore.

He undisganosed me with Bipolar and re diagnosed me with BPD.

I'm 84 days off medication.
I don't see my Psychiatrist anymore and am starting to see a new Psychologist end of this month.

My emotions are out of control, almost too painful to handle most of the time. 

The meds dulled most of my emotions and now everything is so loud and I feel everything.

I've realised I hate who I am and how horrible I can be to the people I love and that I don't know how I'm going to feel day to day. 

I don't mean to be so awful to people I really care about and when it's happening I can hear that voice in my head staring stop but I can't.

im scared this is my life now and there really is no light at the end of the tunnel.

[Maggie]

@Mush1  I’m sorry things are so difficult for you. I hope your new psychiatrist will be able to help to find some stability.

I’ll tag a few other members who might be able to help.

@BPDSurvivor  @Judi9877  @outlander  @BlueBay 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @Mush1 ,

Thanks for reaching out!

There are some clear differences between biploar and BPD, but people are often mistaken. It is also good to know that the two require very different modes of care and treatment.

Bipolar generally requires medication whereas BPD focuses on talking therapies (DBT, MBT). Bipolar 'episodes' are lengthier than BPD episodes. BPD episodes can fluctuate between ups and downs in a matter of moments and several times within the hour.

Like you, I was diagnosed with bipolar and was put on a series of mood stabiliers. For 10 years i took these meds. During a hospital admission, it was noted that i did not have bipolar, but instead has BPD. This made so much more sense. The doctors took me off the mood stablisers - thank God, because i didn't need them in the first place!

From there, I looked for treatment options for BPD. The hospitals left me with nothing. At that time, I was living in Sydney, and they did not have the treatments that they have today. I went from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, psychologist to psychologist, but nothing helped.

Later, I moved to Melbourne. I was then referred to Spectrum - a personality disorder specialist in Victoria. By this time, I was so sick of all treatments, that I said Spectrum was the last straw. I threw everything into this. I went through a long assessment process and was finally accepted into their 18 month MBT program (weekly individual and group sessions). My golly gosh! It was hard work! A huge committment, but I had had enough of life and enough of myself! Lots of tears, lots of talking, lots of uncomfortable sessions....but I made it. It's been just over a year since completing my 18 months with Spectrum and things have changed immensely. 

I continue to have weekly sessions with a private psychologist, and I can now say I live very successfully with BPD. I've learnt to embrace and love the experience of having BPD. It's made me the person I am today, and I have the joy of looking back to see how far I have come, and celebrate the journey.

All the best,

BPDSurvivor

Feel free to joing our BPD Community at Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script .

@Maggie , thanks for the tag!

[CherrieRoyale]

Your story is very relatable. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for 12 years before a new diagnosis of BPD & cptsd instead of bp. I feel like I had 12 years taken from me due to the medications I was put on. I feel absolutely horrible about what I call switches when I treat people badly and can't control it. This year I was put onto a medication I've never tried before & it has done a great deal for my switches & clarity, although I still have switches they are far fewer of them and much less in intensity and duration. My mind however needs a lot of psychology/therapy but I at least feel like I am finally getting somewhere. Hope this helps in some kind of way.