New here

[aldoozie]

Hey,

I finally came to my sense and joined a group like this hoping to improve my relationship with my partner.

I am madly in love with her and she has only recently found out she has BPD (just over a year)

I really need help and support from anybody who can help me with trying to teach me how and keep me reassured that it's not my me who is experiencing this and that's it is normal behaviour. If that makes sense.

Anyways I'm keen to help if I can and I really appreciate a point in the right direction to where is should start 🙂

[LostAngel]

hello and Welcome to the Forums all I can give advice on is probably more from someone who has issues with there mental health,if she does things like pushes you away,refuses to talk to you ect its not your fault,Ive just today had a family member thats finding it hard to understand the way Im behaving currently,it also sounds like you care about her very deeply and are willing to work with her through the issues shes facing as well as the issues your now facing too ,be patient with her,be patient with yourself too,there is always the forums as well as other supports like counselling too,it must be very hard for both of you  

[Former-Member]

Hey @aldoozie, welcome 😊 I'm glad you've found the community here and I hope you'll find the support you need 💗

There are lots of people here with BPD and people who care for loved ones with BPD - you might be interested in some threads like which Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script which @BPDSurvivor created 🙂 

[26aqua]

Hey @aldoozie 

It's really great to see your looking for support and help on helping your partner and relationship. 

I'm looking at being diagnosed with BPD (the more i learn about it, more experiences i read, the more this really makes sense to me) When things are calm - really try to find the cause of her distress/triggers and make some clear boundaries for both of you. And don't cross those boundaries - it can be hard but I know when i "flip/lose it" no matter what my s/o says or does, i can't see past that moment. Respect if she needs space but also have a plan, someone else you can turn to for help when your worried but she needs time away from you (maybe one of her family or friends you can ask to let you know she is safe) it makes me 1000x worse if i need space and i dont get it! Thats all i can add really - I'm still very new to this and learning alot as we speak. 

I've been finding alot of helpful information from these places:

Home (bpdfoundation.org.au)

Fact sheets - University of Wollongong – UOW

Also @BPDSurvivor @Judi9877 may have some helpful starting places for you too! 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @aldoozie ,

 Welcome to the forums! I can definitely provide insight in BPD as I've lived with it for over a decade. I've experienced its ups, I've experienced its downs, and I've certainly experienced its round and rounds!

As @26aqua  and @Former-Member have mentioned, join us at Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script . Share your experiences with us. Ask questions. Learn about BPD.

As @Former-Member has also mentioned, boundaries are key. Make them together. Stick to them. At not point should she be allowed to abuse you. It can and does happen. PwBPD find out difficult to manage their emotional state and may therefore swing from pole to pole within seconds. Best thing, step aside. Wait until things cool before debriefing the situation. Trying to reason with a heightened borderline is next to useless. Assure her you are there for her and will check-in after a given time.

 Conversely, I should also mention, over-loving can also be an issue. If you feed the 'over-loving' you may also soon bear the brunt of 'pure hatred'. Try to find a happy medium and support her to do the same.

Feel free to contact us at Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script  so that we can share these common experiences of those with BPD and carers of pwBPD.

 Take care,

BPDSurvivor

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor I need to give credit where credit is due- it was @26aqua who mentioned boundaries, not me 😊 Though I am a big fan of healthy boundaries all round!