Feeling lost

[Matt9]

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and BPD around 12 months ago after a major depression episode which caused me to spiral and be admitted into mental health clinic, I have had the symptoms since childhood but I always denied/ignored them because of cultural shame and not wanting to feel like a freak. I experience constant auditory and visual hallucinations, I disassociate and go into periods of blacking out and going into autopilot mode along with aniexty that's peaked 24/7. I have recently told my partner and family to have support with me.

I have taken the step to speak with people who can help me, but my illness has now affected my work as I am too scared and anxious to go into my job and I am ready to quit because it feels all too much for me. I am feeling so lost as I know I need help and I am doing the right thing but the voices are giving me doubts and I don't know who or what to listen to because I don't know if I'm in control or it's the voices.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Matt9 welcome to the forums.

Sounds like you have been having a hard time of it alone for a long time. Glad you have made it here to talk to others who may have experienced something similar. I wonder if you have some professional mental health support now as well...

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Matt9 and welcome to the SANE Forums.

It sounds like the last 12 months have meant a lot of change for you with hospitalisation and the recent diagnoses.  You've taken a big step by talking to your partner and family- it can be daunting to tell those we love what we are going through. Are your partner and family supportive? 

Here on the forums, we have lots of people who can relate and might be able to provide support. I'm just going to tag a few members now @Eden1919 @Phoenix80 @Schitzo @Rick147 

There is also a thread Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script which you might be interested in too

[Schitzo]

Hi @Matt9,

Welcome to the forums. I have schizophrenia too and I know how real the voices and the hallucinations can be.

Have you contacted your GP?

They can refer you to a mental health professional. 🌸