New therapist

[Patches59]

I remember some one in the forums saying something about child brain not realising things are not normal.

@tyme  I’m feeling completely overwhelmed with memories of fun times pre teen years and memories where I’m seeing for first time as an adult that I was born into a family where things were not normal.  

Tried to find word to describe something recently and couldn’t.  Feel I’ve got nothing left inside for anyone.  Want to try to work on draft 4 of chart for recording specific items for to be monitored where I volunteer but can’t think. Mind goes blank 

[tyme]

Hey @Patches59 ,

I'm not sure if it was my post in the past that you are referring to, but I remember posting that as a child, I thought all was good. I told all my therapists that I didn't have any issues as a child and I had a really good upbringing. 

Upon digging into it, I was diagnosed with CPTSD from my childhood... 

And yes, I didn't know that what I experienced as a child was 'not normal'...

I hope things get better for you. I'm around tonight if you need a chat.

[Patches59]

Thanks @tyme 

saw my therapist yesterday and said same thing to her.  It appears answering the questions in preparation to start doing schema therapy has unlocked forgotten memories.  Memories that have me questioning “why” to lots of things.  Questions that I will never get answers to.

Memories about things in my childhood home that, some how, my parents saw nothing wrong with.  One memory having reminded me of my parents and myself living in 3 room house, sharing same unpainted bedroom from me being new born up to late primary, sheets and blankets used as window coverings, no plumbing and only one Power point.

its all getting too much.  

[tyme]

Hi @Patches59 ,

Reading your post, it reminds me of my childhood where I just thought things were 'normal' because that's all I'd ever known.

It's only later that you realise the impact it has had on a person. 

Hope you are okay today.

[Patches59]

Last couple days have mainly been good @tyme 

Sleeping for hours helps the day pass.

my lounge room is now bit cluttered and I don’t care 🙂

got rid of my low couches and bought recliner chairs and couch.  Heaps more comfy plus more support for my back.  Tuesday the solid oak bookcase I’ve ordered arrived which is some how going between the single recliners.

Feeling on edge a lot, slightest thing sending me into tears or firing my temper.  Trying to find new psychiatrist, including reaching out to Blue Knot, and no success in Victoria so far.

[tyme]

I'm glad it's been okay, and you are able to sleep to pass time. That really does help - if you can sleep. 

I hope things improve for you and you can work through some of the challenges you are facing.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but have you looked into any services that Phoenix Australia provides? @Patches59 

[Patches59]

I’m slowly discovering organisations that assist, support etc.  haven’t heard of Phoenix @tyme  I’ll have a read through there website during next couple days.

At night I’m not getting quality sleep, some nights not getting quantity either.

Recent memories have left me with thoughts that one or both of my parents may have had MH issues for years before I was born

[tyme]

You know what? Your parents probably did have their own MH issues @Patches59 

I often hear people say that nowadays, there are more and more people with MH issues... although, in my mind, I'm wondering if the number of people hasn't actually changed, but the level of awareness has - thus it may SEEM that more people have it? IDK.

Hope you are okay today.

[Patches59]

I had wanted to do one thing today and actually will get 2, maybe 3 things done.  Nice feeling.  Haven’t hard arvo nap, struggling a bit but not feeling too bad.  

Taking another short break from changing things in my lounge room.  Want to get back to reading some evenings, use kindle plus have good amount of books at home that have been in garage plus front bedroom.  Moving them all into 2 bookcases in lounge room (have already moved solid pine bookcase into lounge room).

then to decide where to put rest of furniture. Lol

awareness of mental health conditions has definitely increased over the years, thank goodness.  Changes and improvements in awareness, recognition and support.  At high school in 1970’s students were told to concentrate on studies, no thought to why they are struggling.  My old high school now has on site nurse, visiting dr and social worker plus class room for kids who aren’t coping with things happening at home.

fingers crossed kids of today get all the early intervention needed

[Patches59]

Activities are starting to commence again which Im looking forward to.  From early February I’m hoping to get into 2, maybe 3 activities most weeks.  Currently feels weird but am planning on dedicating 1 day a month, maybe more often, to being a kid.  (Links into moving the books).  I’ve managed to keep some books I would have been given more than 50 years ago and plan to read them ….. box of books to colour plus heaps of pencils…. Whatever else I can find.

it’s like the Schema therapy preparation is opening locked doors almost everyday. so many ‘new’ memories, most leaving with the unanswerable question - ‘why’.  Don’t want to adult anymore