I'm drowning

[somewhatdamaged]

Hi all

Just signed up to these forums just now as my mental health is circling the drain.

I was diagnosed with BPD, GAD & mod depression back in 2019 after having mental health problems my entire life (I'm 49 this yr). Getting the diagnosis destroyed me and it's been a long hard struggle to climb out of the abyss for the last 5yrs. 

In March this year i had to leave my rental of 4yrs due to my landlords relationship breaking down and i was the collateral damage as she wanted $$. Because i am on welfare with a cat there's no way i can get a rental in this climate so my only option was to live in a bus in a very remote town in mountainous Tassie...just in time for winter. There's no water...only a couple of solar panels & batteries (enough to charge my phone and have light)...no running water...no shower...no way to wash my clothes...and i have to use a camp toilet. 

I can't sleep for more than a cpl hrs at a time at night so the fire doesn't go out or i will literally get hypothermia. I have to rely on a friend to visit me once a fortnight and drive the 1.5hrs each way to Launceston so i can stay in a cabin have a shower do laundry and get groceries. I don't drive cos of my anxiety and i feel so trapped and isolated.

I've been promised a cabin in a caravan park in Launceston but the wait is torture. Meanwhile my water containers keep freezing solid and every day i wake up with a sickening feeling in my guts. I can't live like this. 

My depression has taken over and i can't do any of my usual self care activities even if i wanted to. I really feel like I'm gonna drown this time. This has been a brutal test to learn gratitude for the life i had that i thought i hated so much. I'd give anything to live in a rundown rental again with power and hot running water and a flushing toilet. 

Sorry for the overshare but I've never been this low before and I'm struggling to keep my head above the waves.

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @somewhatdamaged 

That sounds like such a terrible situation to be in.  Tassie is having a particularly cold winter this year ❄️

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.  After the long struggle you had after your diagnosis this really sounds like the last thing you need.

You mentioned that your friend comes and visits every fortnight to help you get access to groceries and wash your clothes, do you have any other supports in place - mental health care team, GP etc?  If you are able, could you mention your situation to these professionals and they may be able to support you in getting into more suitable accommodation sooner?  You also mentioned that you are on welfare - would there be any services available to through this to assist with more regular transportation to the places you need to go?

The promise of the cabin in the caravan park sounds like a good goal to focus on  - do you have any idea of when this will come through for you?

I totally relate to self care dropping off in situations like this, but it sounds like you have a good understanding of what you need for you and you mental health.  Thinking about self care a little differently for your current situation, is there anything (even something small) that you can take comfort in that might make you feel a little bit nicer?  When I was at my lowest my cat really helped me with this - listening to and feeling their purrs and breathing really took me away from the situation for a few moments.

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[Glisten]

👋🏼 Welcome to the Forum @somewhatdamaged Thank you for sharing your truth. This is your place to seek support and ask questions.

It makes me glad that you had the courage to reach out.

I have General Anxiety and ADHD. The ADHD diagnosis was 20+ years ago. The anxiety has been over the last 5 years.

You write very well with a good description of your experience, that helps all of us, including yourself, understand your needs.

@Ru-bee or @tyme are very helpful and supportive Peer Guides with a lot of experience.

I hope you are safe.

G

[Ru-bee]

Welcome @somewhatdamaged to the forums

I'm glad that you've been able to share your experiences here. 

It can be so difficult to attend to our mental health when our more basic needs aren't being attended to, and this inability to wash either your clothes or yourself, or to sleep more than a few hours at a time would understandably make attending to your own self care very difficult.

Do you have a loose time-frame on the cabin in Launceston? 

I'm glad to hear that your friend has been coming to drive you to Launceston. Have you spoken to them about how this has been affecting your mental health? Would it be possible to do this more frequently as we're going through the middle of Winter? 

[somewhatdamaged]

@SkySeeker22 @Glisten @Ru-bee 

Thank you for replying. I don't know how long I'll have to wait for the cabin...they initially said a couple of weeks as the need to do repairs so i just have to wait for a ph call.

I spoke to Centrelink today and told them my situation but they didn't want details and didn't suggest any support services.

I haven't been to a GP or any healthcare since my diagnosis due to the way i was treated. I don't trust enough to try again. I've tried other support services like RAW and they don't want to do visits where i am (the town has a bad reputation) and the lady who called me back just told me to ring Salvos. She didn't seem too interested in helping other than passing me off to someone else.She also kept forgetting to call and do the things she said she'd do. I know ppl are busy but it's been a lifelong experience of everyone who's in a position to help me is either too busy or forgets me.

I'm completely disillusioned with the experiences I've had with support services and feel I'm probably better off not putting myself in a position to be let down again.

[BP1]

@somewhatdamaged 

Hi I'm sorry to hear all that your facing and there is no need to apologize for opening up. I was diagnosed with BP1 4 years ago I'm 51now and felt good when it was explained to me as it answered most of my behaviours and destructive ways. 

I was in hospital last year for three months with no contact to family as they all turned there backs on me. 

Lost my partner of 6 years, house, car, business, access to my children and 90% of my clothes and personal belongings. Through amazing friends and a long lasting psychologist I'm moving forward. What I have lost that is materialistic I can purchase again and I'm now stronger from the lessons learnt about trusting and relying on so called friends and family. 

My hardest loss is my children which im about to fight in court. 

I have found the NDIS to be very supportive and helpful financialy with paying for services especially my physiologist hope they can help you to. 

I have found listening to the Lone Wolf channel on UTube to be helpful with letting people and the past go trust me it was and still is very hard letting my partner of 6 years go but she decided to leave and now I know it was for the best. 

Please stay strong better days are ahead take care always 🙏

[somewhatdamaged]

@BP1 

I'm glad you found support. I'm close to losing everything myself...but then i never had much to begin with.

[Glisten]

@somewhatdamaged  you’ll get no argument from me. The only assistance I have received is from Food Bank and St Vinnies.

Are you not eligible for NDIS?

If you can get it, use it.

[somewhatdamaged]

@Glisten I'm assuming I'd have to see a GP & go back in the mental health system to get NDIS... I'm not ready to put myself thru that trauma again...they really treated me badly last time

[Glisten]

That is so sad @somewhatdamaged I have never heard such a bad report of these organisations.

What the heck is going on in TAS that services are so bad?

Have you emailed your State MP?

G