Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[suzanne]

@Bearcub You really are walking the walk.  You're doing so many things right.  Balancing all those competing needs, getting in the small pleasures and satisfaction from jobs done.  And keeping your priorities sorted.  I hope all this has indeed brought you closer to happiness.

You, @Viv, @strengthinever and so many others tonight have shown that there are different paths that can get us to the same destination.  We just have to work out which will work for us.  And keep on it as long as our time and energy allows.

[CherryBomb]

@Rjb there is support and learning for carers in the BPD Community.

In Melb there is a support group currently meeting in Auburn/Hawthorn area - google BPD Carers MIND.

Also there is a new training program for us: google BPD Family Connections Australia (www.bpdaustralia.com.au)

Then there is the BPD Community Victoria email list with a newsletter and Information Nights - no website yet. If you want, you could send them an email: bpdcommunityvic@gmail.com and ask to go on the email list.

[Bearcub]

I think it is a continual process to find those little rays of happiness. I have never given up hope of our daughter recovering and this certainly keeps you going. However it is a battle for me to separate my happiness from her state of health and I think this is because eating is such a fundamental part of life.

[CherryBomb]

We've got another 15 minutes left so how about we end by describing 3 things that you've taken away from this conversation, which you can try to do to make yourself happier in the next week? Or perhaps list your three top strategies for happiness in your caring role?

Ready?

Go!...

[suzanne]

And food is such a pleasure and source of happiness for many @Bearcub. 

It sounds like you, @3forme and @Rjb are all grappling with the the same issue around happiness found together and that pursued alone.  I'm sure all carer's face this dilemma.  As with so much in life, it often comes down to balance.  Neither is right or wrong.  So is there enough time in the day/week/year for both?

[astrengthinever]

Cherrybomb I think Valerie Porr's book is one of the few that allowed me to feel the grief I was feeling. She wrote in a way that my emotions were quite acceptable and at the same time she helped me see into my daughters head., helping me understand how vital that was to helping her in managing her BPD. I must stress though that even though it is BPD she discusses it is a valuable tool for any parent/ carer with any behavioral or mental health issues. Some of the skills she explains a valuable life skills.

[Rjb]

I take away, from tonight's forum, there is much happiness to be gained in sharing ideas and thought with other carers and listening to other carers experience and ideas ideas

[CherryBomb]

so true @Rjb It's great to learn from others who are sharing the similar experiences.

[suzanne]

So in my active pursuit of happiness this week I'm going to try to make sure I have a good laugh at work every day (seek out silly moments), I'm going to cycle in an even more crazy fashion and I'm going to make sure I get in lots of cuddles with the family and resident kitty kat.

[CherryBomb]

That's wraps up our conversation for tonight about a carer's right to be happy.

As usually, it was a fruitful and constructive conversation. I think some of the take home messages for tonight were:

- Happiness exists within the ourselves; our perception, and the way we choose to response to situations.

- Happiness involves self-care, taking time out, no matter how little it may be to do things that make us happy and find balance

- 'Recovery' doesn't just inolve our loved one making changes, it also involves our own recover and healing.

- Share ideas with others, and seek out information to learn new strategies.

I'd like to send out a very special thank you to our members who joined the conversation @Bearcub @Rjb @Viv @3forme @astrengthinever. You all really brought a wealth of knowledge and expertise. Also thanks to @suzanne, our special guest for imparting her professional knowledge as a psychologist.