Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi all.  Firstly thanks @DeanYates for coming and sharing your experiences tonight.  And thanks also to @NikNik and @Lauz for organising the evening.

Unfortunately I cannot stay any longer and need to go.

Thanks everyone.

Sherry

[Former-Member]

Hi @DeanYates

Thank you for sharing. I have complex PTSD from early childhood through to adulthood.

I would have loved for my husband to join this forum, but that’s ‘just not him’. How were you able to include your family in your journey?

[Soozasaur]

@DeanYates yes, that’s it exactly. I’ve been sharing with him as we’ve been posting. He is unbelievably relieved that you know exactly what he means!

[NikNik]

Great question @Former-Member

[DeanYates]

Poetry is great @Former-Member
So is art and sketching.

What you describe from your therapy is probably like journaling. I'm going to post something else on journaling from my own experience in a separate post

[razsbags]

My friend still has flashbacks from an event that happened forty years ago & every time a friend dies he has trouble dealing with a death & goes into depression the same time every year & withdraws for a few months as though dwelling on it. They write in a journal but still have problems dealing with traumatic events. As though their life is put on hold & feel guilty for enjoying life because someone else has died.

[Shaz51]

that is a good question @Former-Member,

@DeanYates ??

see you later @Former-Memberxx

[DeanYates]

My journaling began in June 2016, just as I was going completely off the rails. Sometimes it was just a few words penned into a notebook or a stream of consciousness typed into my laptop. I did two types of writing:
** I wrote about anything that popped into my head and;
** I was more deliberate. I would pose questions, often not sure of the answers. For example, on Aug 11, 2016, the day I was admitted to the Ward 17 psychiatric unit in Melbourne for the first time, I wrote: “Namir and Saeed. Maybe the key is to come to some sort of acceptance and then seek atonement. How does one atone for 9 years of guilt? Moral injury. Feel this describes me.” 

(Namir and Saeed were my two staff who were killed by a U.S. Apache attack helicopter in Baghdad in 2007)

I would keep coming back to those lines in the months that followed.

While in Ward 17 for five weeks from Aug-Sept 2016, I took copious notes on the sessions with my treating team, conversations with other patients and what insights I was gaining. That meant I usually had questions at the next therapy session. My treating team expressed concern on several occasions that I was reading too much about PTSD and war and writing too much in my journal. My response was: “That’s what journalists do.”

Writing has allowed me to process my trauma at my own pace. I don’t touch-type, which slows down my thinking. I can think only as fast as I type.

Writing about my journey with PTSD and moral injury has been incredibly important to me. Sure, it’s been painful at times. I’ve had to confront my guilt and shame over Namir and Saeed. I’ve been forced to recall things in my personal life that I am not proud of. I’ve had to sift through traumatic experiences and images.

During my first admission to Ward 17, my Iranian-born psychiatrist suggested I write a letter to Namir and Saeed to tell them how I felt. It was a great idea, but it took 10 months to find the courage. It was only during my second admission to Ward 17 in July 2017 that I put pen to paper. I handwrote a 4,800-word letter over six days. Once done, I finally understood why I felt culpable over their deaths and why I felt shame for failing them in later years.

I found the answers to the questions I had been asking myself.

[Soozasaur]

Bye Sherry, thank you for sharing.

Snu

[razsbags]

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@DeanYateswrote:
Hi @Former-Member
It has to be an individual decision. You have to feel comfortable sharing. When I tell people about my PTSD and say I got it from working in Iraq, covering the Boxing Day tsunami, the Bali bombings, losing three staff in Baghdad, everyone gets it. What I mean is that in a sense, my experience is an easy one to share. I really understand that for others it can be very difficult given the nature of the trauma. That said, I believe that sharing with people who will listen with empathy and try to understand is worth doing. I will be forever grateful to a former colleague from Baghdad who said to me, when I was at my lowest point, that I was not alone. He had gone through the same thing. Until then, I have told virtually no one.From my experience, sharing helps the healing process and moving on. I just don't think bottling up works. By sharing, talking, journaling and processing - I think you get control of the narrative. You get to have more control over how you feel. You give yourself a chance to heal.

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My friend still has flashbacks from an event that happened forty years ago & every time a friend dies he has trouble dealing with a death & goes into depression the same time every year & withdraws for a few months as though dwelling on it. They write in a journal but still have problems dealing with traumatic events. As though their life is put on hold & feel guilty for enjoying life because someone else has died.