Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kate70]

Hi
I am new ish here but have been reading for a while - thank you to you all.It helps.I wasnt even sure about calling myself a carer, but after reading I'm fairly sure this is the right place to ask... I've lived with 2 family members with various MI all my life (not fully explained, ever) and now 3 friends.
My question - when is it ok to pull back from caring (for a while, maybe?) I cant with family, I know; we just go on wending our way through each day...
But with one friend I feel as though I have to pull back for my own well being, for a while.It's how to tell whether he has enough other support that worries me - I worry that I am one of only very few people who knows whats really going on - and that the communication is not particularly great for this friend with other people.
Any ideas or advice welcome.
Thanks.

[tria]

Hi Kate,

I am pleased being on the forum helps. Kate do you think you may be able to speak with those you are caring for and create some very special time for you. Your post really does say you are a caring person, at times if we need to pull back (create boundaries) it can work for all and may create a new way of life for your friends, family and yourself.

Would your friend seek out other supports if they where available?

Be kind to yourself,

Tria 

[Kate70]

Thanks Tria

Your reply much appreciated. Trying to work out a way to talk.
My fear is that they will not seek out - or at least reveal needs - to other people.A very long slow process.I guess I just have to trust they will be ok & be ready to jump back in if things go pear shaped!

Many thanks 🙂

[tria]

Hi Kate,

Its interesting your reply seems to be  the start of a plan already.  The plan may have you as a part of their support coming to a solution over a cuppa. There is support out there that may take the presser off you as well. It is not always all or nothing if you still want to be part of their journey.

You may be supprised they may not realize you need a break and would want that for you as well.

Trust yourself Kate .

Kindly

Tria

[Eagle]

Hi @Kate70

Welcome to the Forums. Creating boundaries is a huge part of being an effective carer. Without our wellbeing, we can't be the best carers we can be.

Please don't feel responsible for your friend seeking help. It sounds like you have been a wonderful friend, though you also have to take care of yourself. Giving your friend options and advice is the closest you can get to dragging them somewhere and forcing them to talk 🙂

I guess what I'm getting at is there's only so much you can do and you have to create your boundaries (I mean physically write them down) so you don't continue to be pulled back into the cycle.

There are a fair few discussions around boundaries that have taken place in these forums. One that springs to mind is this one

You sound like such a caring person, but don't forget about your own self - care. 🙂

[Kate70]

Thanks @Eagle

The link to the other discussion on boundaries with the book & other reading materials was very helpful.
I'll look those up.
Many thanks to you all here & I'll let you know how it goes
x